OMG!! I hate sitting in and waiting. Last Friday afternoon I had my Oncology appointment. Nothing like high anxiety. I had a 2:00 appointment and I knew that was not a good thing in the beginning. I like to get things done and over with first thing in the morning. If you have never set foot in the oncology floor it's a feeling that's hard to explain. The second I turn in the driveway to valet the car. I start to feel anxiety. My feet hit the hospital floor and I start feeling nausated.  I know I should be use to to it but something that all cancer patients feel and each differently.

Then we take the elevators up to K-13 the doors open and I am not kidding there is no air to be had up there.  I have tried taking elevators on the other side on the back of the floor which use to be Pediatric Oncology and still. I feel like give me a bag so I can breathe. I hate it.

This time not a long wait. Thank God. I was so hating sitting there. To many tough memories up there. Soon Shawn on of the Oncology Nurses called me back for a blood draw and vitals. My BP was to the moon. Of course I forgot my meds. cause I didn't eat much. So that was not a good thing. I will not even post here what it was. I was darn lucky I had my meds with me.  So we did all those things . Then went to the down the hall to the room 15.
The view from there was great of the sky line of Detroit.

Then we waited. I am so use to seeing my Oncologist lately out at one of the satellite offices in burbs. That I had forgotten all the residents and PA's C at Main. Have get a look see before your Oncologist gets to see you. So yeah, your on parade. Then they all report back to the Oncologist. Then in he comes to check things out. We had a very long discussion about things. Here's the deal.

My physical was great. Things in that aspect are good . Nothing new to report. (OTher then the odvious dental crappola) Then we had a big discussion about things.  Now we wait for all the Blood Results. Also the new one that I had to do was a 24 hr Urine Test. So I did that yesterday and dropped that off at the lab this morning.  So now we WAIT!!

If things look good no CAT Scan till Dec.  He basically said *Good physical if I don't see any thing wrong then  no  reason to scan.* Which is fine by me cause I have had so much done my body just needs to rest.

OH and you all know how much I love to wait!!! NOT!Anyways we will. Keep busy till then and just hope and pray for the best.


I am off for some rest. Hugs and Prayers Hope.


Ps Had a bp check and it was fine. We are also keeping track of things at home if things change or worsen we will up my dose of meds. If not we will remain the same for now.

Thursday was a pretty interesting day. Surgery went fine. However our Surgeon had to earn his keep. The ganglion cyst ran along the radial artery with two feeder running off of it.You guessed it along the radial artery. So pretty tricky. He was a sore puppy on Friday. I mean really sore so with ice and change of meds we got a fast handle on things and he slept good Friday night. 
Saturday was kinda making him sit and relax but as for him he doesn't listen. Does what he feels he can do! I might be bald before this is over.
He has his post op appointment in the morning and is betting the cast is off. I was told 10 days to two weeks so we will see . Its not a week yet.
It maybe  removed to see how the wound is doing but it will be back in a cast to rest or the  hard splint. So he isn't getting off  free no nothing.

Anyways I just wanted to say Thanks for the Prayers it did help knowing others were thinking about us.


Hugs and Prayers Always Hope

I find myself in a weird situation. I have talked about being in the relm of healthy and sick. Two countries.  I see my oncologist on Sept 5th so that always makes me feel some anxiety.
Today was literally a dance that I hate doing. A while back I mentioned about all the dental work I need done and how I felt the dental community was handling it. Considering that its a medically needed surgery due the cancer and its treatment. Last week I meet with the patient service manager at the LLS to talk about my case further. Which led me to an appointment with the Oncology Social Worker this morning.

I hate being in Limbo medically. I really do. Its stressful and my immune system can't handle it. So today was a good thing. The social worker is going to have all my doctors write letters why this pertains to my cancer and why they think medically it should be covered. Treatment radiation all of it. No one has teeth break down and crumble at the gum like this all at once. Soon my partial will not fit. So the concern is what will they do after the surgery as well. So as they are compiling info. I have made the choice to head the University of Detroit  Dental School. Forget the small guys and go where I could find the help I need medically , as well as dental and financially for this to all be done.

Ironically people who have my situation realize the importance of what its like to have problems with daily functions. Dry mouth,  eating , swallowing, all common things with my original surgery and treatment. Also functioning means speech as well. Plus the risk of cascading infections due to my immune system being compromised. So there is a lot go be considered.

The other thing is all this anxiety takes me back to my first days of cancer. It hit me today like a ton of bricks. There are things that you move forward from and then sometimes yours stalled emotionally and mentally. Its amazing how that happens.

Sometimes scars heal sometimes they do not. Sometimes we need to get help and talk about it. I have to laugh, I don't see myself as depressed in so many areas. But mention all this head , neck and dental stuff and its like it smacks me silly. So I am addressing that with the help of the social worker as well.  She has given me the name of someone to see that will help me work though this and whats to come with these oral surgeries.

So that was my day. Confronting things in limbo and focusing on life one day at time.

Dad had surgery today, is doing fine and home. Hubby has surgery on Thursday. So its a busy week ahead of us.

More when I can . Hugs and Prayers Hope

This has been a really crazy week. Youngest Son packed his car and went back to College. They start this coming Monday. He is getting settled in his apartment. Some of the Kids stayed the summer. So all he had to do was move back in. He will also start back to work on Monday with a full schedule for school . I just talked to him and he is adjusting his classes to fit and making sure he is straight for next week. Oh and of course there is fun along the way!! LOL.

We also got all the outside work done, Major stuff anyways. We had a lot of trees around the garage that were growing wild . Well they are not anymore. They are now gone. All but one. Behind the garage remains.  So that was a three day job between that and weeding. Neither of us can take the heat so we are out there a few hours then back in. We put out twenty two bags this morning for the compost guys. But Last night it was nice to go out there and see it all done. We lit the candles on the patio and relaxed.

The other thing is  our Son In Law was able to fix...the dang toilet issue. Valve and all. Thank goodness. We didn't have to do the expense of redoing the whole toilet or call a plumber in.

Oh and we have had some fun to this week. While our Son in Law is at work in the evenings. Our Daughter and Grandbaby both come for dinner, after she comes from work.  I had forgotten how much fun a 18 month old is. She is so comical at times. She is getting her own personality and really is a ton of fun. It gives my  daughter a bit of a break to stop here and regroup then go home . Wee one isn't much of a night time sleeper. So that's hard when your working. So we have been really busy here.

I am off I got a few things to do then I am going to do nothing the rest of the day.

Will update when I can. Haven't been spending much time in front of the computer lately.

Hugs and Prayers Hope

Leroy Sievers 1955-2008

Leroy Siever's Battle Inspired Courage
I first heard of Leroy sometime ago on a Ted Koppel's , Documentary on Cancer.  It was a documentary which Ted focuses on his friend Leroy Siever's blog, *My Cancer*and he responses to in the cancer community.
I have read this blog from the beginning not only did I meet and leave comments for a incrediably huge man in spirit and in heart. But a warrior in all sense of the word. His battle was written about in this blog. It is open and very much to the point. He said what many patients feel and shared opening about his fight with cancer. Never a victim always a survivor in every since of the word. Cancer is not a pretty or easy disease, Leroy shared it all no fluff all truth. Feelings and all .
This blog profoundly challenged my thoughts with my own cancer as well as realizing its something that many of us are dealing with on a daily basis.
Leroy, gave a gift and left a huge legecy through this blog . He became a daily friend one I checked daily in good times and rotten ones his candor on so much was shared. If any
thing his blog was about living the with a disease so many have and in this community of cancer. All of us were profoundly touched by Leroy.

One thing I realized being a part of his blog comments. Is that there is a huge community of patients, caregiver-survivors out there. I am have been extremely blessed to be a part of it.

I will be forever grateful for Leroy , his story and what he shared with all of us daily.

My prayers are with Laurie and their Family and Friends today.

Rest in Peace Leroy.

I haven't written much lately. Today I feel I should just cause of what's on my mind. A while back someone told me it was okay I had cancer at my age. I was shocked at the immaturity of the person. Never mind that I was 41 when I was at my sickest and entered treatment at age42. Thats not old my any means.But as I wonder around the internet just checking out cancer sites.I realize in some forums I am an *Old Fart Cancer Patient* Being over 40. Omg!! How can that be!!

It brings me to this. Few weeks back I bumped in to a man at the hospital who was 105 and had cancer. I beg to say his needs are way different then mine as a cancer patient. Let alone a person his age. But are they the same as mine. In some ways of course. But in other ways no way.

I am finding we have a social situation that should be with cancer. But am I better off cause I got dxed at 42. I don't thinks so in some ways. In other ways yes I can't argue because I do not know how it is to be 20 with cancer.  But its still cancer at any age. IT stinks.

Ironically I don't think my age even at 53 is old. I simply don't. Each age group as its thing with cancer and socially you work through to a better point.

What upsets me is when people think at my age, I have one foot on the banana peel and the other in the grave. Since I don't rate to be in the younger group Nor the older group. I have to laugh. Or I love this one.. *Wow you survived you must of had the good cancer!* Believe me there is no good cancer.

Cancer is cancer anyway you look at it. 

The thing is I have visited Planet Cancer and Your2Young for this. I love everything about both as well as a few other sites I have found. I also travel many blogs of those with similar cancer as mine. The insite there is incrediable. But I will say its not anything I haven't felt.

As I sit here to day, I am a woman , a wife ,a mom, a newer grandma, and so much more. I am far from old and geratrics. I am active as I can be and as well as I can be for a woman with cancer for my age. But to just assume all people are old of mind and body over 40. I will still deal with cancer forever. Surviving is the tough part and dealing with the day to day issues its tough. 

I admit... that maybe all social ages need groups. But so we lump 40 up to 105 and think thats okay.  How in the world is that right??  It blows my mind.

Anyways thats just food for thought. If your younger with cancer. I am sorry you have it and have to deal with it. But I also think at any age its really hard just different things to do with. I am in the throws of my husband retiring. young. Kids in college, Weddings and new Grandbabies. Yes I have experienced lots of life. But having cancer with a pre teen &teens in the house was a tough deal as well. Forty is the age of parenting so much more. And yes I couldn't have another child either. That was tough but I was thankful as well for those  given to me. But still today at fifty three I don't fit in the geriatric area either. Old Fart maybe but ancient never. So many elderly Americans living life with cancer and many things. But looking at the physio social relms of cancer lumping us in one group is strickly wrong .

So Old Fart maybe age wise to the younger set. But from where I sit I am in the middle which is fine with me. That just means I can touch anyone and everyone with cancer. In hopes of giving them hope.

As for the person who made the remake I would never understand at his age.  That I had my life already at forty two. That is just plain silly. Cancer sucks at any age. No age is any different. I don't think living life with it is easy at any age. Thats just my take.

The thought I have at any age is make it the best day possible that we have everyday.

The other thing is that: Tomorrow any of us could step outside and get hit by a bus!*  Young or old it can happen to anyone.

As for cancer I hate it. I hate that any age gets it and it could be anyone I love as well. It just stinks all of it.

Anyways just food for thought.
Will post later today.  I have not felt that great today. So I am off to rest.

Hugs and Prayers
Always Hope

I wanted to post this yesterday. But I  never got a chance to . Something many of us have been working towards for a very long time.
Blood cancers are the leading cause of death of children under the age of 20. Knowing other Kid's with other kinds of cancers as well. I am so happy to know finally its a step in the right direction for the Kids!!


Bush signs pediatric cancer bill named for Rep.Pryce's daughterTuesday, July 29, 2008 By Jonathan Riskin
THE COLUMBUS DISPATCHWASHINGTON -- They've been in a tough fight with avicious disease, but two little girls from central Ohio emerged from the Oval Office and walked out onto the driveway outside the White House this morning with wide grins, official pins andpresidential words of encouragement.
Hannah Lewis, 7, of Reynoldsburg and Eden Adams, 8,of New Albany, who became friends as they underwent cancer treatment at Nationwide Children's Hospitalin Columbus, were among those on hand to watch President Bush sign a pediatric cancer bill into law.
The Caroline Pryce Walker Conquer Childhood CancerAct was crafted by Rep. Deborah Pryce, R-UpperArlington, and named by lawmakers after her daughter, who died in 1999 after battling neuroblastoma.B
oth Hannah and Eden used the same word to describe meeting the president and first lady, being given presents and a tour of the Oval Office: "Cool."The signing ceremony was not open to the press aside from still photographers, but Hannah's mother,Jessica Lewis, said Bush told the families that he knew "we were going through a tough time and wished us the best."
Jessica Lewis and Eden's father, Rourke Adams, said they hope the next step after President Bush's signature will be for Congress to approve spending the first $30 million installment this year of what the law calls for: $150 million over five years for such initiatives as expanded pediatric cancer research and a national childhood cancer database.
The single parents saw their friendship at Nationwide Children's Hospital, which paid for the families to attend the White House signing ceremony,blossom into a relationship."This is something we deal with every day," RourkeAdams said about having a child who is battling cancer. Adams said it is his hope that a fully funded cancer database will in future years give researchers more information about why children develop cancer.
After the signing ceremony, Pryce said shewas "delighted" to see her legislation enacted.The president and first lady spent a lot of time with the children and families - including Hannah's five-year-old brother, Duncan, and Eden's brother Riley, 14 - before Bush wielded his signing pen,Pryce said. Bush lost his three-year-old sister Robin to leukemia in 1953 and Bush told Pryce he is looking forward to telling his parents that he gott o sign the pediatric cancer bill into law, thec ongresswoman added."This is a great step forward," Pryce said. "We have been waiting for this day for years now."

Last year  in August I wrote about taking that fall as well as messing up my ankle and all of that. When I finished pt in January I was given a  order from my internist to go get a new Bone Density Test done. I set the order aside and over the weekend realized I never had the test done. Not like me at all. But considering what this year has been like, any thing could of happened to it lol
Anyways I did ask for a new order from the doctor yesterday. I will call first thing on that tomorrow. But the thought its osteo porsis due to the one unexplained fracture and a few other things going on recently. So that needs doing soon. (Gotta love that you get treatment for things you need to address right away and here is another one of the long term effects starring us in the face.)
So thats that.

I am on  my way to go pick up may Daughter and her little One. Thats  what I am focusing on these days. Family and enjoying being well as  I can be for now.

Have a great day Everyone. Its sure a Beauty.
Hugs, Always Hope

I have not been writing lately. My be its spring fever.

One thing I know is that sometimes people come here and for the wrong reasons. IT happens through out the spaces at times. People post things and people think its okay to just take them. I am happy they like things that much but as of today. I will not be posting  as I use to.  Or I maybe going to Friends only for a while. I have not decided yet.

I have been re thinking my space. And where I want to go with it recently. Amazing to night I noticed my stats going balistic all of a sudden.  I am not hell bent on who
 comes daily. But today I was here and I kept seeing  it change every few minutes a new entry in the stats.  Thats great. But no comments once again. I love comments I don't care if its one word , a book or whatever.

Just stop in and say hello...or leave your mark in my guest book.

As anyone knows being diagnosed with cancer...surviving means kicking its butt and getting through treatment. Thats never an easy thing

Recently I realized that what makes me different, however it doesn't define who I am.  I am  very different in so many aspects.

Being a patient you must deal with physical , emotional, mental, social, spiritual, and financial fallout of what cancer brings.

In understanding  that . You never go back to where you were prior to cancer.  One thing I am working on is this new normal. Its often liberating, however
there are just so many things  long term things to deal with on a regular basis.  So many things to stay on top of health wise. All things that did not
come up before.

The other thing is how others react friends and extended family that  keep saying. *Get over it. Its over!* Or if  I bring something up  pertaining to it. Its a mute subject where stable and remission means for many its over. Done with and behind you.

Not!! The period of treatment for my disease was life altering  and had its very unique issues that some clearly never wanted to know about.  Now the period after treatment poses its own unique issues to.  There is no road map as a cancer survivor. None zip dona. No book on how you cope or  how life happens. Each survivor has a mix bag of tricks to deal with After the fact. ( I am learning is you look normal people assume you are.)

There is just so much that makes me different then others.  If I can get through this I can get through anything. Its so hard to explain it to those who have not had it. When cancer resides in you. It is so different I can't even put in to words. I have family that had it and those who have died from it. This was me though and that is so different .Being a patient isn't the same..though similar not the same as a caregiver. So many different things to deal with on different levels.

The one thing I feel though and I am honest on this . There is a loneliness that comes with cancer.. I feel so different now. Eleven years ago just about I embarked on a life of dealing with my own cancer.  I was really secure in my own way of life at that time.  My husband and kids walked this walk closely. But others were kinda were stand offish.  If thats the right word to use. Some were family to and still do not want to talk about it. The scariest thing was what would my future hold, who would hang around and stay supportive.  Not talking about won't change it or make it go away.

Now I feel like I am slowly coming in to a new comfort zone...its been a rocky road back. Filled with so many things to consider.  Everything based on who I am doing or feeling. I hate it. Although in someways that is easing up a bit lately in some ways.

One of the hardest things for me has been on completing treatment and regrouping from it. Is that the average person or maybe observer does not understand or recognize what its really like.  Or the stress of it. How could they?  I learned to keep things like my fears and anxieties to my self, or the stress I was feeling.  If I said anything...there was a risk of sounding ungrateful  or depressed. I still find some people a few....still just can't and won't try to understand that.  Cancer is a very personal challenge for each survivor. No  two situations are the same. It is and will be for most a very lonely time as they work through it.

So yes in so many aspects I am in so different.

Not a bad thing from where I sit.

Always Hope

The last few days I have seen just how rotten some people will sink to make themselves look good. Why am I not surprised that this to can happen
in support rooms?  It does and there isn't much you can do about it. However to sit and take a persons attitude cause they are bitter with life??

Well thats not happening! You can only do so much.

Tonight I am sad by how others in this world become like stone.  Its like other human life means nothing they don't give a dam who gets in their way.
They just want power, thats it they don't care who that hurts.

I have realized it takes all kinds. I can't change people either. Its really sad but one day the stone will crumble and it will be to late.

I promised myself with cancer if I lived through it.I would help others as long as my feet were here on earth. I am now praying for direction on this.I hate to see people hurt over stupid stuff and judging of situations. Don't get me wrong we get those who fake cancer. Yes you read that right. But who am I to judge them?? IF I was wrong I would feel horrible. So I can't its been done to me.
Right now I am so disappointed in others actions in a place that is suppose to support and care for those with cancer. This attitude going around is far worse then the disease we call cancer.

Dam there are some really great people to. but a few bad one really mess things up. For those in need.

I got some soul searching to do on this.

I am off to comtemplete my next move...moving on from cancer.

hugs and prayers, Always Hope

Dam I hate that. Being up all night!! I couldn't sleep and its not like I didn't try! Five hours or watching the clock so I said forget it and got up. Yup I did !!
I guess my mind was on over drive. I won't be sorry about that or my last post either.
Anyways yesterday was a nice day. I slept in till late and got up goofed off ...yes I did.  Then Hubby and I took a drive to the lake. We have this one marina by us,
called  Jefferson Beach. Actually they claim its the Yacht Club. Well it is but its not like what it was when I was a kid growing up.
There are huge boats docked there many different kinds. Most people unless you grew up near by don't know you can drive in park and sit by the lake. Its so relaxing. You can hear the waves coming in and its just a really quiet place.
Then we drove over to the local park and took a walk and just talked.  However whats really on my mind is a tough deal to talk about. So I won't. I wrapped it and put it at God's feet.
So now it and whats really eating me is in His hands to work on.  I have great faith He can and will work it out for the better good.

Anyways the birds are singing the sun is coming up over the houses and I am blessed with this new day. Gosh I am one lucky person.
Have a great day everyone. I am off to grab a shower and get dressed . I am spending the morning with my  Grand baby. And I  need to get ready for some heavy duty spoiling.

Hugs and Prayers. Always Hope

Late this afternoon I checked the mail. I was looking for a letter from my PCP.  My Internal Medicine Doctor.
Most of the time he is at the hospital. So I see his P.A. Who I like as well as I like him.  I have a feeling there
was a big discussion about my case.

The letter simply reads and is simply states as this:

* Patient needs oral surgery due the effects of Non- Hodgkins Lymphoma and without the surgery it
could detrimentally affect her health. She has decay due to the prior effects of treatment of
Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma.*

Of course there were other things included. But I wanted to share that I was able to get the letter that was
needed to get a start on the proper care needed.

Yay!!! So yup sometimes all you gotta do is fight for the rights you have!! That means just asking!

I am off to celebrate another small victory....for the gipper! Lol

Sun is setting I am off.
Always Hope

Its another beautiful spring day here.  I decided to go out and clean up the patio. Tear down the old morning glory vines off the rod iron on the patio awning . Then sweep up the leaves and mess left from the winter.

I cleaned up all the old hanging baskets. Cleared them off the patio. I will fill them with flowers when I know this warm weather is going to stay.

After I had it all swept up Hubby came out  to help with the rest. He washed down all the chairs . Then the table as well .. We hit the table with a few rounds of  glass spray and its good as new.  I came in got all the pillows and put them out on the chairs. Hung all the wind chimes  As well as all of the lanterns filled citronella candles. Then hung our small
but tired looking American Flag out there to. I plan on getting another one when it gets warmer out.
Then our favorite thing. We have a bon fire pit with a cover. We also have wood. So we set it up with wood in it so its ready to go. After all its spring its the perfect time for a bon
fire!!

It was just nice to get outside. Plus Hubby loves to sit out there and drink his coffee when its nice out. So as much as he enjoys it. Now he can go out and enjoy the early mornings out there.

I love it out there because its like a spare room an extension of our home.

I came in and thought now I really need to clean out the tracks of the patio door, then hit the glass with some spray and clean that  up. So when its nice  I can open that door right to the patio.  Then hit the small window over the sink as well and it will be done. Clean for a bit.

I am getting rid of the old ugly blinds anyways and putting up plain curtains . Its on the north side of the house so I want to let in more light in Kitchen. Besides I hate these blinds. They came with the house and we need a change. Plus I hate cleaning these things lol They get so dusty and gross. That I just would like them gone!!

So tomorrow is another day for more.  I decided to come back in take a rest for a bit and watch HGTV for bit.

Plan going out later and relaxing out there:)

Have a great day!!!

Always Hope

Please bear with me this isn't a vent just part of my journey related to my cancer ..as I am walking it

One thing I have learned in this world if you really need to get something done for yourself medically and dental wise. You gotta go out and fight to get it done. A while back I brought up all the dental stuff I need done. The hassles and headaches that come with it.
 I saw my dentist who is turning out to be someone who is dropping my case like a hot potatoe. He say's he is no expert on things to do with cancer and how they affect me. But then when it comes down to it he is no expert on saliva or lack of due to my surgery. Nor is he a oral surgeon . Nor did he tell me I had tmj and jaw issues either. Now this is a dentist I have had for 30 yrs. Seems to me if he isn't a expert on oral health and my teeth why go to him!

Then I go to the oral maxillo surgeon . Who agrees that I need the surgery . However he is no sure of how I will heal and is concerned why my teeth are decaying not at the root mind you just crumbling to bits. Not normal and to be honest nasty to see happening and as for functioning teeth they are not. So we drew up a plan to get it done.  At 720.oo buckroos a pop for 2 teeth and sedation and no dental insurance to cover it. That is just two teeth and i need at least 9 possibly 10 done. Plus is this possible over three surgeries and the healing included.
HMMM...

Ok go back a few weeks ...lol The other part of the story. I did the antibiotic treatment for the orginal abcess. Aka Pen VK a high dose. Which turn gave me a yeast infection else where. In two places orally(given Nystatin) and the other place. So I did the right thing got meds for that. In turn. I got a Urinary Tract Infection (given high dose of Bactrim to kick it). OH JOY. So not only was I on three antibodics. But all of this dental stuff affected my general health. Light bulb goes off LOL Heck yes it is affecting my general over all health at this point.

I let the dentist know. And saw my Primary Care Doc. Who said ....this is just a vicious cycle.  ( this doesn't include my er copay , office copays and oh yeah the three scripts I got either or the meds from the dentist and fees or the oral surgeon fees)
Of course it is. But tell the Dental Community that!! They do not want to hear it. As well as my blood pressure was to the moon due the stress . Well why the heck  not?
So things are on hold till my general health is straight!!!

And the dental community isn't happy.  Now how about that!  Hey I am only the patient in the middle three communities here. General Medicine, Oncology and Dental. I thought they were doctors to...oh my! We address them as such.

Last week I got mad and called United Way. I told them my situation and they offered me community outreach numbers including Dental Discount programs for my county. The also offered other things in my behalf. So I am not taking this laying down.

My Primary Care Doc. Also wrote a letter and mailed it to me today stating info and proof on my disease and treatment that it could cause dental problems and oral problems as well.  So I can summit to those who would like to help. To by pass my Dentist and the Oral  Surgeon. After all he is the one who helps me take care of my total health. I have also requested all kinds of letters from my docs on this issue. I also am writing to the AMA about the lack of care for Cancer Patients when it comes to dental. The cost is insane and if your paying for a catastropic and chronic disease care. How can you afford dental if you have no dental insurance. Its not that I don't want the care or insurance its not there due to income. Which by the way are not poverty level but close to it the way it looks by programs out there. (I am also upset at the cost for kids and senior to...heck everyone for that matter . The cost are not for everyone here)

Dental care is something you can't put a band aide on and it get better. So I am out here fighting for more for those in need. There are things out there no one tells you there are. I have searched and searched. So more later on this.( I mean heck if you had a cut and infection on your arm would you let it go. Same principle for oral and dental health)

This isn't about a hand out folks this about a hand up to those who have major medical bills already. Believe me this is tough having to gravel to get this done and get blown off cause...someone wants the big bucks. After all this is all about money not the low income patient receiving proper and correct care.

My oral surgeon, although he is a great surgeon and has worked on me before. One of the best in the state. Doesn't care to know about programs that help people in my situation. However he is the doc who over sees the dental school residents. So how do I burn the bridge since that is my second opinion. And cost wise its more effective. But surgery in my case by a resident..not sure its the right way to go.

What the hell! Cost effective I want the job done right and my health is at risk here!!

So you its stress full and a ton of red tape to fight through to get the job done .

In the mean time I gotta hear stuff like this and that will not work for you for re- storitive afterwards.  Now that really bugs me to am I really going to get this work done if they don't have a plan of after the fact.  I do like the teeth I  have. Having them pulled renders my cosmetic partial in front from my second surgery not usable.  Eating a problem and speech to. So as for functioning . I gotta think about this to. And all my other surgery and the healing as well. A big deal. Plus I  have already had facial and nerve reconstruction. My concern is if I have no dentures then what will that damage all this work already done. Seems to me no teeth that changes your facial stucture and muscle support. I need answers here. OMG.

So just a lot to consider and not jumping in to it without a education first on whats happening. Not a wise thing to do.

So this isn't a vent....Just a part of the journey I am dealing with. Saying it writing helps me go through the process. But the red tape and bs in the process really upsets me to no  end. The lack of patient care and comfort in the dental arena right now stinks. So with that said I m in to advocating for myself in that area.  If it takes stepping it up to do so. I am so there!!!

Not something I have not done in the past. Not something I won't do in the future.

I am off I hear a garden calling my name and that helps my bp just like the nature walks of the past few days.

later...Hugs and Prayers Hope.

Whew we have been having some incredible weather here. Today we took drive out to the lake and metro park. We decides to pick up a foot long sub sandwich on the way and split it. Of course many others got a good case of spring fever as well. Its that time of year.

Going there always gives me time to reflect. That is a good thing to.  It also takes me back to the world around us and what God offers us  in nature.
I think we really need that at times. Just to relax and regroup.

It got me to thinking about so many things. It got me to thinking about the last ten years and how we got catapulted in to unchartered territory.
The land of so many things we never expected. We were parents of teens and parents dealing with a life threatening and altering chronic illness.
During that time we lost my husbands, Father and became caregiver and taker of his Mom. My Mom was ill and in the hospital as well. All of this on top of things under our own roof.
The our our Oldest Moved out. Our youngest went to college. Our Daughter Married our Son in Law. We became empty nesters. For a short time.
Then we became Grandparents. Our oldest Son moved back home. 
Then his Mom was ill and is better now. and aging As are my Folks. So the care is on and off but more constant.
So we seem sandwiched in between our Kids , our Grandchild and our Folks right now. Not a bad thing . Just time is flying by.
We also have experienced after the fast pace life of the schedule of a fire fighter and working on that kind of schedule for all these years. What its like to retire.
So a lots of adjustments going on. But thats okay life is always changing.

Today I found myself thinking oh my gosh we are retired. We can do what we want when we want. I have to keep reminding me...Oh yeah he is here and I get to enjoy Him.  So this is really something I never thought I would get to enjoy so a really big blessing. As we were walking through
the nature center today. He pointed out a young doe. a white tail deer. He is keen like that and he loves nature. So its really nice to be able after this years experience with my foot and rehab. To be able to get out there and walk when I feel up to it.

So I am up for act 2 and whatever life has to offer!!

I am off. Got some things I need to do.

Hugs and Prayers Hope

P.S. We had a great weekend. Youngest Son came in late Friday from School. We had a few hours with all our Kids and Grandbaby on Saturday. That was great. I miss the youngest Son. He will be home in two weeks for the summer break. So looking forward to him coming home. He provides a ton of comic relief around here.  So lots to do. around here.

I have been thinking about this a lot lately. For the longest time due to being sick. My life has become that of a life of many friends that are also sick or medical professionals.
That I have met along this journey. I have so many pictures of those I know and those who cared for me. Those that fully supported me through my journey.

Today I ran across a bunch of pictures that I had put away from a Get Together with some friends from a Cancer Chat.  We all met up in Springfield Illinois. We had a lunch and it was a great day.  This was the day I met Judy and others for the first time. We had talked and talked prior to that. So meeting in person was a wonderful thing. I still think about that day and know going was a great thing for me and the others.

Lately due to Judy passing away. I really miss our daily chatter about life in general. We use to sometimes go online several times of day if not in the chat..on yahoo messenger.
Just to kick back and talk. I really didn't realize just  how close we had become till she went in to the Stem Transplant situation. That was crunch time and thats when we knew
we were so close more like sisters  as well as friends.




Today I found this one picture that made me laugh....and that was needed at the time. Judy and I both hated  Vegemite...lol We have friends from Australia and that was always a joke. I am not eating that crap or smelling it.  In this picture she is holding the jar up for proof  that she  brought to this local  Get Together for them to see. We had so many laughs and jokes about that darn Vegemite . I am so glad I want that day . It was just one of those trips I won't forget for a long time.

Sometimes people are so angry due to cancer..they don't see the privileges that come with it. For sure me going to meet Judy and the others, was one privilege I had. Some never met her and for that I just feel sad for those who didn't.  But the pleasure of meeting her...was all mine as well as the privilege.

Grief seems to hit me in waves. Pain and sadness comes and goes as it chooses it seems.  Sometimes things hit me and I am just sad and thats okay to. Sometimes I stuff down the feelings and tuck them away.  I am often struck when I think of her, her joy for living and celebrating life every second of it.  It reminds me its okay to be sad ,to grieve,
but not to miss out on the joy of remembering.

I am off to enjoy the wonderful Michigan Weather. Tons of sunshine and blue sky. 

Make it a great day. Embrace the gift you have before you.
Hugs and Prayers , Always Hope

No words today...amazing how can there be so much chaos in ones life. Maybe thats what brings the bliss, and happiness...Amazing!

Always Hope

The last few weeks have been pretty tough and interesting as well. I am in awe at how so many all they care about is money to have it all. Nothing more nothing less. It doesn't matter what it takes or who they climb over to *Have it all.* Just they have to have it.
Something struck me about an old friend to on how he has become. No talking about his faith his family wife and kids. Just that I gotta have!! Staus
 and the almighty dollar. Sad really cause the rest he is on the verge or loosing those who love him deeply
I didn't know what to say cause he use to be such a great person in his caring for others. Now its like ...if I don't talk that leaves me blind to it and I am not accountable.
When is it going to stop?

I have enough I am content.

Hugs and Prayers .Always Hope.

Prayers for Tricia Nate..and baby Gwyneth.

For right now things are at a stand still for oral surgery.  I need to iron somethings out and get rid of this infection in my gums..and then we will do surgery. However it isn't at this point going to be nine teeth at once. It will be the ones that are the biggest issue first. Then when we see how that heals  then we will move to the next step.

One thing is I can't a thing nailed down with the dental community on if they feel its due to treatment and my disease. Which they say it but putting on paper to those who would help us out. Was a no go today.

Caroldee and Beth thanks for the support. I really stress out on dental stuff it makes me cringe the thought of it.  This a really good surgeon however I don't see with all my records how they can sit there and not agree that part of this is due to treatment . Cause these are not problems I had prior to cancer. These are all issues that happened after. So long term things that no one will say much about.

So I was really disappointed today and with no dental. We are talking 720.00 for removal and simple sadation not a general.  So if thats the coast for two. you can imagine the cost for  nine.  So nothing will fast..and everything done has to have a blood test from my oncologist so more cost.

So thats that. I am very frustrated after yesterday...and if this surgeon who is a specialist doesn't have the expertise to say that who does? So I found it very frustrating.  I need to think of the cost of...other things to and they are not thinking about that ..Just the one surgery.  To put it perspective to have two teeth out...and sadation....thats one house payment to my mortgage. So re thinking rewinding and regrouping and will be addressing those who said they will help with the cost...maybe with a letter from my oncologist , radiation oncologist and surgeon  it may help not sure.

Like I need all this headache.. its just nuts. But gotta avolcate for myself or nothing gets done it seems.

I need to regroup for the night and get some rest. always Hope