CLUB SAMMICH CAFE©: Families Living With Blood Cancer~Non Hodgkins Lymphoma

Long day to say the least....

Fri, 25 Jul 2008 02:13:41 GMT

One thing I hate is going into Detroit in the afternoon. Simply because the traffic is insane. Going to the hospital was nuts we left around one to go down. But the appointment was not till 3:45. We took a walk and did some things I needed to take care of down there.
We ended up going to the third floor to the ultrasound area. Then found out we had to be up on twelve. So we made it up there about an half hour early and waited and waited. Come to find out the machine froze computer wise. To bad the tech didn't come out for 40 minutes to let us know. So it was back down to the third floor to get things done. We waited and waited. Finally Husband got mad. Then things got moving very fast.

Anyways results will be on computer as soon as the second radiologist reads them. As it looks its not an aneurysm a good thing. However whats going on is not confided to the wrist its spread out. The do not think tumor thats a good thing. More occult ganglion cyst, which means it spread
out. So we will contact the Surgeon in the morning. Luckily we can use the plastics micro guy..who did my surgeries. So we are comfortable with that. Will leave a call for the primary doc as well to watch for the report so the referral will be in the computer as well.

We walked outta there at twenty to six exhausted. Knowing there is no way possible we had to be there that long for a 15 minute test.

Anyways. I also made a trip to the oncology floor to find out a few things &talk to the Social Worker in charge of my case. She had sent me a letter pertaining to my dental being covered possibly by my health insurance due to treatment. Of course I had not read it but it was in todays mail. Which is going to help matters for this upcoming possible dental surgery. So we will see about that.

One thing I know today I felt a ton of anxiety today just setting foot on the oncology floor. Amazing how that works. I was waiting on the elevator to leave , it must of showed in my face. This lady waiting just said in passing. * I could care less if I ever set foot on this floor again!*
I said yeah me to. She was some sort of program admin person. But was a patient as well. She said * you know we are happy to when you do not have to visit here so often.* I was really happy to hear that, cause going back is tough at times.

Plus I wanted to spare Hubby that trip to so I went while he was doing paper work . He was stressed out enough about things thats not something he had to do today.

So a fast day there turned out long and drawn out. But glad its behind us for now.

I am off to get some sleep. Off to hug a Hubby....Hugs and Prayers Hope

You don't know it yet but you are one of the lucky ones.

Mon, 19 May 2008 00:24:51 GMT

I remember hearing that from one of my nurses . I also read it in Lance Armstrong's Book. *Its Not About The Bike.*
Hearing and Reading....*You don't know it yet..but your one of the lucky ones.*

Tomorrow is an anniversary of sorts. May 19 of 2001. I was sent for a bone scan due to a mass on the posterior of my head on the right side.
About 5 days before that I found a mass washing my hair of all things. I was so thankful to have an oncology appointment the next morning.
I was really worried. I know everyone else was here as well.
My oncologist sent me up stairs right away to see my Surgeon who did xrays but wanted to be sure it was not attached to the skull bone. He couldn't be sure .So he sent me for a that bone scan. Then they all made the choice to sent me to the Radiation Oncologist. The area was to risky for surgery. Hence the radiation.
I met the my Radiation Oncologist about a week after finding it. She in turn did some scans and was right there as they did some of them to read and calculate things. For me it was a very nerve wracking time. My concerns were the brain and area around it. However they did low dose radiation and I was lucky it did the trick.
I was half way through and things hit the fan. I had a repeat scan and they found more lymphoma in the area of the pancreas,lower bowel and near the adrenal glands( that area was always a problem). So it was a dam lucky thing I had it on the skull. Although my blood work was not really bad. My bone marrow was clean . I still had what was considered wide spread issues and needed treatment for the third time.
Enter the trial of Leukine with Rituxan. That was the one treatment that slammed it to a screeching halt.

Yes even with all of the above and anniversary dates coming up and around. I am am one of the lucky ones.

The thing is ...I don't think Why Me? Why anyone!!

Now I want to stop and see Mary my old oncology nurse and let her know.....I now realize exactly what she meant.:)

Always Hope

Encounters..

Tue, 13 May 2008 19:50:00 GMT

After a very hectic weekend. I didn't do much yesterday. Except regroup. The weather was rotten,rainy and deary. So a good day to stay in.

Today I decided to go and get my drivers license renewed, and our new tabs...Happy Birthday to Me !!LOL $169.00 later!! Yes you read that right.

Anyways going in to the Secretary of State office. They are really working on getting things on the ballots when we vote. One of the things is Stem Cell Research. Since that is one thing that could further research in my behalf and so many others.. OF course We signed the that one. That was fine and the guy asking was polite and happy. We went in there got the things done.

When came out a woman was out there with different petition it was to stop increases on wages of politicians. She was really rude. Even stating that her petition was more important then the other guys. Just then the other guy walked up. I am betting her actions don't get many to sign. Since most walked around her to avoid her on the way out.

I looked at her and said. *So life and death issues are less important then what someone makes!* I couldn't help it. She went on and on about how important her petition was. I got mad and walked away.

It isn't that I don't care what politicians make I do. But I also care more deeply for finding cures for disease that Stem Cell Research could in the future help. What happens if that is the cure for MS. ALS, Parkensins , and so many other diseases including Diabetes and some cancers. What if it is? How can we not talk about what this means?

Stems Cells are so important to each and everyone of us.

I don't know, it made my day someone was out there fighting for the rights of so many who could be helped by this.

To me the big issue is helping others who really do need the help if that gets on the ballot its a big deal. There is so much controversy surrounding it and so many ill informed
on it.
But to think that its not important enough to some shakes my nerves some.

We walked away thinking does she not know the importance of them to a cancer patient let alone to herself.

So yup I agree some make way to much money that over see this country. But on the other hand not many care care about research in this country that is important to every child woman and man living here. I am not right on everything, but knowing the importance of the stem cell to all of us.

So that said. I feel better.

On the way home we looked for cheap gas. Omg!! $3.85 per gallon here and thats a cheap one. This is insane everything is creeping up and our incomes are not.
I saw $3.99 for regular out there as well. Thank goodness we can use regular in our Jeep. But still its sticker shock every time. So we are only filling up when
we see the lowest price out there. But that bugs me cause I am use to a full tank and not going below a half. Its crazy out there!!

I am off to enjoy a bit of a nap. The house is quiet for a moment. So its a catch can while you can.

Make it a great day!!!

Hugs Hope

Sharing in the life of me..

Tue, 06 May 2008 17:40:49 GMT

In Oct of 2001. I was told for the first time my cancer was total in remission and that I was stable. For the first time ever *Full Remission* We had deal with this thing called lymphoma since Sept 29 ,1997. This day was like no other day I ever experienced in my life . Cancer free. well as free I could ever get with terminal disease.
I remember walking in there and my stomach was upset...this was the day that we would here so many things.

My Oncologist who was as the lead bone marrow specialist at Henry Ford Hospital In Detroit. Had more news then the above. For this news the whole team comes in to the room with smiles on there faces. I remember sitting on the end of the examining table and hanging on to my husband for dear life. Thing what if this news is bad. What if thee is no match again. But the news was different. My Sister Mary was a perfect match. My baby sister by all rights one that for years I looked after was my Perfect Match. I sat there thinking oh my God . He is so God. After all this time ...my donor was there the whole time. The other news was my oldest sister Gail is a sibling match not perfect. But one we could use as well.

I remember sitting there thanking God for giving my doctors the knowledge and guidance to not only save my life but a Donor. All in one day. I can't even begin to say how I felt or how we felt as a couple or a family that Day.

IF you asked Mary today...how she felt. She would tell till this day , out of all the sisters *IT was going to be her* She would tell you to that I am *Maryroses Keeper!* In a joking manner of course. She is my baby sister and so I was always looking after her hence the word Keeper LOL So she tells me this is her way of giving back whats owed...And she always tells me to be nice..as she has something thats mine LOL

All joking aside. Things like this happen daily in Oncology Depts all the time. People are put in to National Banks or Lists by there Doctors that are in need of bone marrow donors. There are not enough out here. I was one of them. At times they don't ask about family matches in my case they did not till the third time. Because treatments become lesser as you go.

We are talking about saving lives here. If its you on the receiving end. The situation completely changes. Mine did forever, no going back just forward in hopes of better health.

There is one other story I have to add today...This one that happened to me when my Grandbaby was born. Febuary 27, 2007 This was a day that not only I never thought I would see, But one that I won't soon forget. My Daughter and Son in law. Made a conscience choice due to me and many we know. To make a Cord Blood Donation.(

Before your baby is born, the umbilical cord is a lifeline. After birth, that lifeline can provide hope to patients with leukemia, lymphoma or other diseases.

After delivery, the umbilical cord and placenta are no longer needed and are often discarded. But the blood remaining in the umbilical cord and placenta is rich with blood-forming cells. These healthy blood-forming cells can be collected and stored so they can be used by a patient who needs them.)

I sat and watched as my old ob/gyn prepared for and did the process. It takes only a few minutes. It does not hurt the mother or the baby. But it saves the lives of those whoever might receive it. Some with Blood Cancer or other blood diseases.
My Grandbaby was one of the tiniest Donors out there. That could save some ones life.

I want all of you to know that day my life changed. Not only being a Grandma but seeing this process take place. Knowing the difference it can make for us or another family. Then saying to the Lady who took the donation in a tiny bag and placed in a cooler. I told her I was coming up on my 10th year at the time as a Survivor. She looked at me and said * Then you know the importance of my job and my work.* I told her . *Yes and my thanks goes out to you and all who do this work to save the lives of those like me and those who give my family hope for the future.*
As she left with the tiny cooler...and walked off in the distance. All I could do was smile and think what a gift to give to someone, *The gift of life!*

With that how could my day of been any better. Both days, are forever etched in my memory.
This is why the passion of talking and writing about it will never stop:)

National Bone Marrow Program
Life giving and live altering.

Always, Hope

The Power of Organ, Tissue and Bone Marrow Donation

Tue, 06 May 2008 16:16:05 GMT

Each day I visit a wonderful blog written by Nate
This the story of his Family . His wife Tricia and Baby Gwyneth Rose. This a story of about faith love and miracles. Each time I read I am so very humbled.
It brings me to this the power of God is so tremendous. But there is another power out there that we don't realize we have in our hands. Thats the power
to be a Donor.
I urge all of you to go read Nates blog. I promise you one thing you will never look at things the same again.

Today I am writing as someone who waited for four years for a donor for a Bone Marrow Transplant. One didn't come. Its a grueling agonizing situation to be in .
Due to lymphoma and bone marrow involvement I was put in the National Donor Registary. No match found. For four years. Then a Mircale. In 2001 all my sisters were
typed and checked . My baby sister Mary is a perfect match and my oldest sister a match though not perfect a sibling match. The comfort I have knowing thats there is
a match is beyond what I can even put here on my space. Its like having a insurance policy if it comes up again. And it will one day.
The comfort that gives me and my family.Becomes a passion for me my family and my friends as well

I am sharing what Nate wrote in his blog today with all of you:
*Beyond organ and tissue donation another huge need is out there bone marrow donors. One good thing is you do not have to be dead to donate bone marrow,
but you do need to be registered and tested to do so.
There are over 6000 people that are currently searching for a bone marrow match. Imagine 6000 people . Men , Women and Children.
Over the next two weeks the normal fees for registering are being waved by the National Donor Registary in honor of Mothers Day.

Because I have waited this is a huge passion with me. My family knows the importance as do I of telling all of you there is a need.

Please click on the link below and consider Registering today.

Always Hope

Mothers Day &Thanks Mom Campaign

Great Days

Tue, 06 May 2008 02:33:53 GMT

Yesterday was a great day. I had forgotten how long its been since I went to Cranbrook. The art and science museums are wonderful there.
We had lunch as a group then had free entry to the science museum. We had a really nice time. Walked around the grounds. I took a ton of
pictures but did not download them yet.
We took a walk around the grounds at old church near Cranbrook. Its always so beautiful this time of year with all the trees in bloom.

This volunteer event encompassed the meaning of the Leukemia Lymphoma Society and what they do. The example used to motivate all of this year.
* What 2 children do you want to leave behind?* Here in 2008 its amazing only 2 in 10 get Blood cancers. 2 in ten. When years ago it was 8 in 10.
So what can we do to take care of the two that still have to have cancer. Thats the goal to make it 0 in 10. No child should have to go through this.

I wish all of you could see just how many people were there that were volunteers. It always gets to me..and I am digging deep to not cry while sitting
there. It does my heart good to see it. It drives the point home to know I was not the only survivor sitting there. But it also gets to me when I hear.
The stories of those who fought hard.. and didn't make it. I keep trying to think its a win win situation. But its tough to swallow at times.

So it was great we had a wonderful day. After hearing the numbers of what was raised in Michigan alone. I pray that one day there is a cure.
So no child with ever have to deal with it again.

I am off I am really tired tonight. Was a busy day today.

Hugs and prayers Hope

Volunteering....

Sat, 03 May 2008 16:58:37 GMT

Today,will be a busy day. Laundry to do and things to get done. I am so thankful today is a good day:)
The weather here is rainy and really gray. It is great though to look out and see everything blooming. Of course to see green everywhere you look.

I am pretty excited about tomorrow. As I wrote last year about the Light The Night Walk. I know I wrote about it as well recently to. Sometimes we really don't think of all the people behind the scenes that help. These are the people who give freely of their time and energy to just help others.

Sometimes its in the true volunteer spirit and its not about the money its about those who just need help.

Tomorrow is the Volunteer Appreciation Event. Hubby and I are going. The beauty for us is seeing everyone working together to bring awareness to these diseases that affect so many. That is a comfort, but better yet is seeing someone is out there making an effort for research to make the difference.

Just so you know I am not one to go to volunteer events. I hate them. Over the years I have helped with the kids schools in fact so much I ended up with a paying job. When ever the end of the year came around and the get together came up for volunteers I never had the time to go. I was always helping with something for the kids. I use to get a call come get whatever we gave you. I just simply never went. I remember I received this award for 15 yrs of service..and I wasn't there. Well no one said I was getting anything. My girlfriend Carol and I cracked up she got her 25 yrs of service award. We were both out on the track field together timing the kids and helping to run the snack bar for the kids. We both just enjoyed being with the kids. It wasn't about awards.

So tomorrow I am going to see the mass of people who give time. As a team capt, last year it was time well spent with my family bringing awareness if anything to my community. I will do it again this year for so many reasons.

I am excited to hear the goals for the upcoming Walk and whats happening this year with the LLS in our behalf.

I can't wait to see the friends we made over the year and just spend the day at Cranbrook.

I am off I have laundry to do and some ironing (yuck!)

Have a great day Everyone....hugs and prayers Hope

Blood. Why Give It?

Mon, 14 Apr 2008 00:54:55 GMT

Twenty two years ago March 21,1986 my youngest Son was born. After a tough go he was born . Me however I had blood problems and unknown to me at the time I also had a genetic blood disorder which caused bleeding issues. I wouldn't be sitting here writing it had it now for the person out there who gave donations to the Red Cross.

Giving Blood Why do it?

Every few seconds someone in the United States needs blood. Think about that for a second. But only 5% of the eligable in the U.S. population donate blood in any given year.
Healthy donors are the only source out there to donate. Remember there is no substitute out there. Nothing zip noda!

For those of us with cancer , blood disorders ( as I said I have both), sickle cell anemia and other diseases. Some people need blood on a regular basis.

This something to think about . If giving blood was a part of you every day, like getting lunch out ...or going to the gym.

What difference would that make?? Well here is the difference. For me and 5 million people who receive blood transfusions every year , your donation is the difference between Life and Death.

I am here living proof of the Gift of Life some one so kindly offered of themselves.

Now here are the best reasons to give Blood.......

	You will get free juice and cookies.
	You will weigh less — one pint less when you leave than when you came in.
	It's easy and convenient — it only takes about an hour and you can make the donation at a donor center, or at one of the many Red Cross mobile blood drives.
	It's something you can spare — most people have blood to spare... yet, there is still not enough to go around.
	Nobody can ask you to do any heavy lifting as long as you have the bandage on. You can wear it for as long as you like. It's your badge of honor.
	You will walk a little taller afterwards — you will feel good about yourself.
	You will be helping to ensure that blood is there when you or someone close to you may need it. Most people don't think they'll ever need blood, but many do.
	It's something you can do on equal footing with the rich and famous — blood is something money can't buy. Only something one person can give to another.
	You will be someone's hero — you may give a newborn, a child, a mother or a father, a brother, or a sister another chance at life. In fact, you may help save up to three lives with just one donation.
	It's the right thing to do.

More to add..when I get a minute

Fri, 11 Apr 2008 16:39:13 GMT

National Bone Marrow Registary

Kicking Back ...

Mon, 31 Mar 2008 17:23:39 GMT

This morning I did some footwork on getting medical records together. With the help of my oncologist's Social worker. She also gave me some questions to ask our insurance company pertaining to life time caps. So there will be some discussion on that. As well as letters coming in from my doctors on my medical situation.
Something I didn't know is there is SSD and SSI but also programs though the state disability programs for assistance if needed. Something I was not aware of. So that is something to look in to due to my situation. As the Social Worker said. I am strickly with the oncologist for follow up. However that doesn't void out my records for a 10 yr period which are critical to my case. They also play a part in other health issues including the current one...with all this dental. So I even need letters from the dentists stating the current issues for this folder for the process.
So with all said . She went back and pulled all the info from each doctor over the ten yr period since dx and said she would have a discussion with my oncologist on a letter. I had to chuckle she mentioned all the notes from my primary doctor recently as well. The requested a note from him and asked me to get a consult and a letter as well. So I had to laugh. That I will do.
I will see him tomorrow as well, need refills on meds and adjustments as well.
So talking to her was a really good thing.

As for this CRUD, or bug whatever you call it....ICK. It is finally starting to ...get some better. I actually slept last night. I took the inhalers. The antibiotic , zertec and motrin. The rest I said forget it and it didn't help anyways. I slept like a baby most of the night. So I feel much better...to face the day.

Today is opening day for the Tigers...Whooooo Hooo. So I am going to kick back and watch some baseball.

Have a great day....Always Hope

P.S. Please pray for Tricia Nate and Baby Gwyneth

House Arrest

Sun, 30 Mar 2008 23:48:28 GMT

Last night was a rotten night. Between coughing and my ribs hurting from coughing. I was up at 4 am watching Tv. I went out on the recliner in hopes I could sleep. I can't believe I watched a whole movie. Then finally about 6 am I laid down on the couch finally was able to doze a bit. I was exhausted. I woke up 10...to Hubby double checking to see if I was okay. I got up and went back to bed till 12:18.
I felt a bit more rested but my ribs and shoulders are killing from coughing. I feel 207 and am walking like that to.
So we did nothing today. Absolutely nothing!

I don't know what this crud is. but man its really knocking the heck outta me. Hubby said he feels somewhat better.

Gotta run and get more rest....Always Hope

Oh how I hate Childhood Cancers. with a Passion.

Sun, 30 Mar 2008 02:52:15 GMT

I came across the video that is about ~~ Childhood Cancers

If the link doesn't work try this:

http://keep3.sjfc.edu/students/amr06221/e-port/swish/Swish.htm

It was made by a college student who's cousin had lymphoma. Frankly if you watch it the Stats are right on. This really needs to change!!
Always Hope

Yuck!!!

Sun, 30 Mar 2008 00:10:28 GMT

I am not kidding everyone around us has this coughing junk ...everyone!!
Hubby is feeling like crud today. And it takes him a lot to say he has no motivation. We did one errand and came home. To rest. Him in the recliner and me on the couch. We actually both slept for a few hours.
We haven't done a darn thing all day. Thank Goodness I had a large pan of homemade Mac and Cheese so we could warm that up for dinner and some left over chicken bbq chicken breasts.
I really want Lysol down the whole house and open the windows then air this place out. Maybe then this crud will die. Whatever this is has made a return visit. So we are laying low the next few days.

I am off for a blog roll.

Have a great night....always Hope

Sometimes I just don't know.

Sat, 29 Mar 2008 23:53:22 GMT

My sister and I had a long converstation a while back. I don't like putting things here but its one thing that really surprised me.
My sister and I were talking about our parents and them aging and others sisters. Their lack of giving a darn about it all. As well as them not giving a hoot on what happens with me. This isn't a new thing. There is lots of denial going around my family lately. I love them all to peices. But not mention the word cancer. cause its taboo to all of them.

The fact is all this dental stuff and medical stuff I am dealing with is not to be spoken about if bring it up...Its a topic that is quickly changed. Usually to whats happening with that person. Its not that I want always talk about the problems of my disease. But when its major then its important. I still get blown off.

My Sister. and talked about a lot of things the other day. The one thing that blew me away is that she said. *You know you have always taken the time to explain it all so I understood whats happening. I am not there to see it so I do understand you have to talk about it to. * Ahhh understanding. She then when on to say *how other family members would rather sweep it under the carpet and not talk about it. Change the subject and it reverts to health issues they have.* She to is very fed up with it and the lack of compassion and caring. But she really blew me a way with this. ... * She told me I was a wonderful teacher. That if they do not care enough its on them.* Then this blew me away. she went on to say* Because they are so ignorant not to see to what degree physically emotionally and mentally the tole it's taken on you..At what expense to you the teacher. Its all come at such a great expense!* She was livid but so straight to the point.

*Great expense to you as the teacher.* Something I never thought much about. Thanks Sis!!

So on top of responsibility and obligation we have something I never had time to really consider and thats expense of all of this. I don't mean money I mean the physical emotional and mental part of it. Sometimes the physical is easy compared to the other part. The seeing those you give a dam about suffering and not being able to talk about it. That is just the icing on the cake.

Just some thoughts. always Hope

SNOW Omg...

Fri, 28 Mar 2008 16:05:23 GMT

Oh my gosh...March for sure came in like a lamb and will go out like the lion. Last night I sat here and watched it snow. There were periods of time it snowed so hard it was amazing. Wet heavy white snow. But its spring!! But so typical for Michigan to get snow.
March has been a month to for this spring time whatever the heck this is going around. This cough and congestion is really getting my Family down right now. We all got this congestion that will not quit . You think its better and its back. Which stinks.

Last night I went to bed so congested I didn't sleep well and I have enough meds to start my own pharmacy so it tells me this crud is viral. Even antibotics isn't even working so that amazes me..I am on them still for my teeth so. That amazes me .

Oh and so you know I have not been out in like forever so..the cabin fever is up there somewhere problay 106 degrees and rising LOL

Anyways Its a cold day but blue skies and the snow looks so pretty although I am beginning to really hate it a this point. I would take a spring day at about 65 right about now . IT would be so nice .

Anyways. I am off. I am going to go for a short ride with the Husband. I promise not going in any place going to wait in the car. I just need some fresh air...really really bad LOL

Have a great day everyone.

Hugs and Prayers Hope.

Statistically Speaking

Fri, 28 Mar 2008 15:39:18 GMT

Many talk about statistics when it comes to dealing with cancer. Doctors, studying and practicing medicine which is a form of science..They work on Stats. Anyone, well most having cancer or any chronic illness call tell you that stats. Unless they are to shocked and don't ask. Stats are pretty scary to hear especially if they are really bad.
As a person going through the process I realized that there were tons of variables. That attitude was everything and kept me going and if I let it , it could really cripple my progress.
I realized to that God provides us the means we just have to get out there find the best doctor and pray a lot . I don't think anyone can do this with out faith. If they do I do not know how.
Statistically speaking when I was first dxed the cancer was wide spread stage four and with in a few minutes of seeing the oncologist I was placed in the National Registary so they could find a bone marrow donor. I remember thinking...Holy cow! Of course we got a second opinion which matched the first. Then we went to work on finding something to kick it back till a donor was found. Ironically from 97 to 2001 no donor was found.

In the summer of 2001 we decided to type my sisters. I have 4 and we were praying for 1 match. Even though at that point my marrow was clear of the lymphoma the thought process was is one a match and what about the future would I still need that transplant. I don't know but...My one sister is a perfect match...the other use able but not perfect. That was a relief to know that. ( I won't get into the medical jargon here its all to much at times)

Statistically when I was treated in 2001 they felt the radiation would work that I received to the skull. But the other drugs it was a crap shot on what would happen. The thought pattern was due to it being a clinical trial. The possibility was it could be a magic bullet. If it was then we could get a full remission. Something I hadn't had prior to this. Thanks to my sweet little adrenal glands that held some lymphoma very dear to them. In doing the clinical trial...amazingly that disappeared. My Cat Scan Tech was so excited she took extra films double checking that. I knew it was gone by her reaction. Every thing else checked out clean and my blood counts every single one was rebounding faster then they thought. But this was a two year protocol and follow up so that was interesting to. I was so lucky things looked good once again.

Statistically speaking with stage four NHL it can go south very fast. Or you can be stable and be on watch and live as I was for a while between treatments. I was watch and looked after like I was the child of my doctors. My disease is one I will always deal with daily. Some days I handle it better then others. Then some days...well I am only human.

One thing I learned is that having a good attitude helps. Yes I have my bad days...Everyone does. We just learn to pick ourselves up and move on from them. For me I just don't try to stay down to long. If I do I am in trouble. life moves on and thats a blessing.

When I think about the stats they are scary. Most of the time I can shake it. It helps to know that there are the variables and each person is different as is each case of lymphoma. But it shakes me to hear when someone dies or is very ill from it. I know that was me ...once and I know with my form of lymphoma it will come back. I just hope that I can stay stable for a while. As research is being done and I have really been lucky in the past to have the edge of Doctors who are in to making sure I have had the best possible treatments out there. That takes me from one hurdle to the next. For that I am so thankful.

Statistically speaking I really shouldn't be here. But I am ,which tells me God is more powerful and provides the knowledge to men. We just have to trust in who gives them that knowledge along the way.

Always Hope

Ordinary Miracles Using Them for the Greater Good.

Wed, 26 Mar 2008 15:56:12 GMT

I have sat here and debated closing down this space. I don't have the time lately to upkeep it. But if I delete it . I risk not helping those who might need it.
Sometimes I look at my life with NHL as a blur. Life moves rapidly on and some days I don't want to think about it or care to go back to the days of suffering I went through.
Then I think about all the friends I have lost to it and those starting their battle to fight this disease. How can I not reach out and give them the Hope they need. Thats the job I have as a long term survivor.
I feel thats my gift to share that with others. Many talk about giving there situation to a Higher Power and we to have done that. I can't help but think about the great good that happens when I say to some...
* I went through that and I am a survivor of it. * When I do talk to new patients in a support situation. Its to help them see that some do make it to the other side. And that its worth the fight.

You know everyone there are miracles all around us. In my life I know I have received many. As ordinary as they are. They are so very real. Getting up and knowing I am cancer free for one more day is the miracle my family has prayed for. As many other families do and sadly don't get what they are praying for.

I use to think and sometimes do now...That there are many forms of healing big and small and God knows the one we need the most.

As you all have read I have been fighting all this dental and medical stuff again lately. I have put that on the back burner and its being addressed. The fact of the matter is it always works out some how. No amount of worrying is going to get the job done.

I want you all to think about this. Blood cancers affect many I have talked about this before and I will again I am sure. My choice is to put my story out there in hopes it helps others. As well as this for the greater good. The only way these disease are going to be stopped is with research. I am living proof due to being in a clinical trial with a stage 4 nhl. That research pays off. This takes money folks.
Right here and now. I am opening up the floor and saying..this. I have to do something about it. You can't go through what I have and sit idily by and watch others suffer when you can go out and do something about it.

As of this week... I have raised $500.oo to back the Leukemia Lymphoma Society's Light The Night Walk, That helps one family that is dealing with Blood Cancer. Why do I do it? Simply cause someone did that for me in the past. I am not stopping at $500.oo. How can I?

Lymphoma of any kind Hodgkins Disease or Non Hodgkins Lymphoma is a huge marriot of disease that affect so many from the very young to the very old. Its not just a disease of women but all ages, races and genders. As are all other Blood Cancers. If you saw the stats you would drop your jaw and hit the pavement. No one is immune to these disease's no one.

So as I look forward with stable health with my NHL. I will walk in October again with my family. This big folks this is the one time my cancer is talked about. This the one time a year I see people like you and I fighting this . I see the survivor white ballons and smile. I see all the caregiver and those who care about us ...red ballons...and then the Gold of those who have lost the battle. Those my friends are a tear jerker...Its a huge reality check that this disease needs to be kick off the face of the earth.

For those of us who have received a simple ordinary miracle of regained stable health for a period of time. We all know how lucky and how blessed we all are. Someone said yesterday...You are one hell of a couragous woman. Its funny I just see myself as a ordinary person fighting to get my life to a stable point again. I don't see courage or bravery when I look in the mirror I just look and see myself someone who has dealt with hard times and come out on the other side to help others. After all isn't the Greater Good...the most important thing helping others like me to fight something so hiddious that needs to be stopped. So I fight daily to do so as others do.

So I have grown I realized I have my hands on a good life...even with hurdles in it. I will always remind myself and my family to look at the whole picture and everyone affected by these disease.

Today take time to look around and see those special miracles around you. Believe me if its all just about taken away...as my life almost was. There are so many things to see that are so special.

Always Hope