CLUB SAMMICH CAFE©: Life

Ahh I love the messege..

Tue, 05 Aug 2008 14:14:58 GMT

I got this Link today from a friend . So I took a look...Finish Strong. I love the music as well. :)
Have a great day.
Hugs and Prayers Always Hope

Prayers Needed!

Wed, 28 May 2008 13:40:44 GMT

Just asking for Prayers Tommy and his Family . Tommy is one of the guys my son goes to school with. His brother drown this past Memorial Day while Kayaking. He was 19.

I am praying that God surrounds, Tommy's family and friends durning this time.

Last night was a hard night I did not sleep well. I ended up on line late and ran across a few articles and links ending up with the story. I know I am not suppose to know..or whatever but I do. Sadly crap happens.

This is a tough one for everyone.

RIP Mikey

To my Kids...who I know read here...I Love You!

this is one of those if the shoe fits wear it ..posts

Sat, 26 Apr 2008 11:33:37 GMT

This is a post I hate writing. The last few days its come to my attention by more then a few people about someone saying some very unkind things. I am not in to saying names or ratting people out. I know who reads and who doesn't . But I also know the person who said these horribly cruel and wrong things is trying to make themselves look great and tearing down the other person.
Someone I love dearly and that I would give my life for.. I want you to think what you
hope to accomplish by what they are saying. Specially when you know whats been said the one worst and nasty thing is so far from the truth. I want you to realize if you put it in writing to others its just as bad as saying it. So whats the deal?

All I am going to say is come clean with you. This isn't about anyone else. Stop being so darn childish and grow up.

There is a saying *Give others Respect and you will earn respect in return.* Its sad but right now I am so disappointed in you.

The other things is if you can't say something nice, the old adage is just don't say anything.

To the one I love with my whole heart. I know your working your little heart out. I know your worn to a frazzle. I love you and I am so proud of you! Don't you ever forget that.

It surely doesn't define who I am.

Sat, 15 Mar 2008 21:09:11 GMT

Amazingly I am a wife,mother and grandmother.
I am a daughter, a sister , and a friend.
I am an Christan. I am an artist, photographer and crafter.
I love being where I live being close to the great lakes. Its beautiful as well as healing.
I love to cook...but not like most . I love baking and making goodies my family loves.
I love to decorate..not expensive stuff..just small things that make others comfortable.
I am a listener. I believe thats important to hear others what they say as well as whats not said.
I love to people watch and take pictures of people. I love to see the diffences in culture. I love to learn about them as well.
One thing I miss is being around the classroom with kids. That is amazing to see how they learn and what sponges they are to learn.
I love to teach and the feeling of those getting what you are saying :)
I realized for many reasons in life I am strong. They can't all fit at the spaces. But there are many reasons.

Cancer doesn't define who I am~ I have to laugh someone asked me that last night. Cancer is just one thing that makes me who I am. It doesn't define who I am at all.

I am enjoying so much lately. Its amazing to feel up to doing so many things I love to do.
I think its really hard though because we don't forget what its like to really struggle daily to live. I know I don't. Problay will be with me forever.

I am just so grateful for everyday I have and each is a bonus. I am Alive. That makes the every day to day struggles seem easy in comparison to what I have deal with in the past.

Does it define me? Nope, Never!

I want all of you to imagine a beach full of white sand.
Pick it up in your hands. Look for that tiny speck . A single speck.
That speck is cancer, the rest of the sand you see thats...Life thats all around you.
That defines who I am.
Then look out at that beach around you and smile.
Look out at the water, close your eyes listen to the waves and gulls. See the dunes around you hear the high grass rusle in the breeze. Hear the kids laughing . Watch the wind surfers skip over the waves. Just sit there,feel the warmth of the sun on your face.
Cause that is part of who I am. Think about all we are part of...and you will know what defines who we are.
I'm part of something so large how could one thing define me?

I think there is so much more in life that defines us. Think about what defines you as a person????

I am off to enjoy Life.
Hugs and Prayers.
Always Hope

Snow that is a four letter word!!

Sun, 09 Mar 2008 00:47:50 GMT

Today it hit me I am really sick of snow.
I know it will be Spring really soon. Thank goodness!!
Talk about cabin fever. I think mine is about 106 degrees!!
Everyone is whining around here they are either whining because traveling is tough. Or they are whining because its to cold today.
But its winter folks its Michigan!!
Anyways its funny we went out for a bit..and we came back. I spent some time working on a scrap book and whining cause I am sick of being cooped up!!
If you go out and about everyone is coughing, sneezing and I really don't need that right now.
So how is your cabin fever???

I am off to curl up on the couch with a handful of cookies and my quilt. Maybe I can find a good movie to watch.
Have a good weekend. Always Hope

List of must dos. Thank goodness those are done !!

Thu, 06 Mar 2008 20:07:18 GMT

Today there was a long list to do right off the bat. I normally don't say much and take it as I go. One thing I have been needed the address in Dental Care. With having a port (which will so be removed.) If there is a dental issue then I need to be on antiboitics asp. I called my Dentist first thing. And I will be having a consult with him about things to see what needs doing . But the other issue if this due to my lymphoma my first surgery and or radiation. then medical insurance would apply in some ways. Like oral surgery of any kind.
So this is a big deal since we don't have dental. UGH!!
But 99 to 1 teeth crumbling is not from lack of taking care of them its from treatment possible chemo and radiation to the head. Oh joy!
So After talking to the Dentist I spoke to the head nurse consultant. Who would over see my case for my Oncologist. Who agreed this is a medical as well as a dental situation. Then the clincher. I spoke to the medical social worker. Who. agreed this part of the vicious cycle and medical should apply in this case. Where they have to write letters to the medical insurance company thats the thing. So she is checking in to that.
The good thing and very positive thing is. I spoke further to her about the Social Security Jazz I have encountered. Man was she the person to talk to on that. She told me to apply again and this time...They will have way more info and my records will be directly in my hands to discuss the issue . With a letter on the jacket to state why I am there.
Not this applying on line but in person to discuss the situation at hand. With all the info they need in a neat package.
Of course they can say no again. But I have proof and thats the case. I have a number from her deal with all of this with a patients rights firm.
So we will see but I am not giving up on something that is rightfully mine.
As she said my case is very rare due to the head and neck issues. And it should be addressed on its own merits.
So we will see. But its not over till...its over .
So other then that I am off to see the Dentist...UGH High Anxiety!!! I hate it!! LOL

Beautiful crisp sunny day here in Michigan. I hear we got another six to ten inches on the way. Oh joy!!
Take care everyone go out and make it a good day...Always Hope

Quiet...yup I do have it sometimes.

Thu, 06 Mar 2008 00:26:36 GMT

Ahhh its quiet. Gosh I love that, once in a while.
We woke up to about 5 inches of heavy wet snow. It had stopped so that was a good thing.
Our neighbor has a plow on his truck and a snow blower. He is great he got things moving early and our driveway was clean as was the main sidewalk and Hubby did the one up to the porch and the porch.
I decided to stay in today which was fine. Sometimes I just have to play it cool and relax so that was my day.
I did some computer stuff and basically chilled for the whole day.
Hubby made Burgers for Dinner!Mmm!!
So a good day.
We are off to watch American Idol.
I think tonight its the Girls.
I hope Simon can watch himself, I can't stand him. I think sometimes he could be nicer.I doubt it though.
He can do a lot of damage with just his words!!
Anyways looks like a strong group not willing to take his stuff this time.

Oh and the Red Wings are playing so we will be switching back and forth between Idol and Hockey!!
Although the Wings better get a move on and win a game or so.
Heard Nick Lindstrom will be back maybe Sunday. Thank goodness.

Have a great night...Always Hope

Flexibility

Wed, 05 Mar 2008 05:10:29 GMT

This morning I woke up startled by sounds outside. I drifted back to sleep then the phone was ringing off the hook. I decided to roll over and try and sleep which I did till the cell phone was ringing off the hook. Go figure.
So I said forget it and got up.
Last month I had finished all the financial aide forms for the youngest Sons college. Yesterday I got a copy back. In reading it its so complicated. So I got on the phone to talk directly to the folks who deal with it. In a matter of an hour I spoke to them three times. Then the college.
I had entered his first for his last name. I caught that right off the bat. I went back into the program and because of that one mistake I couldn't change a thing we had talked about. So again I called the college head of financial aide dept asking them what is the right thing to do. So I ended up redoing the whole thing on like correcting the name resubmitting as a late entry. Which really ticked me off. Its so long and time consuming. I did okay but the site can time out while going through the whole dam thing. So slower people like me its a hassle. So you have to save everything as you go. I was so frustrated when I got to the end...I had to call them back at the Fafsa office asking them to help me out with the balance. I said*Help get me through the balance of it!* I was so frustrated.
Mind you I still have to send this copy I have here back to them when my Son can sign it. Its all this pin number and password stuff . What a head ache and both parent and student have to sigh it all this year.
Where is my son on spring break in Florida! Lol.
A having a great time...by the ocean.
And I am stuck on the frozen tundra..freezing my buns off and taxing my brain LOL
Anyways I was able to get that completed and submited.
When he gets back I will have to go in with him and show him what he needs to do and sign this form.
UGH That should be interesting.
All I know the forms did say eliable for help. So I was so glad for that. Trying to get our ducks in a row for the fall.

With that we went to lunch. We went to Olgas Kitchen. After the third time they got my sandwich right. I was a bit upset .So they gave me lunch for free. The first one was dripping in grease. How gross!! I said take this back please our waitress was horrified when I picked up off the plate. The the second had cheese all over it. I was like now thats not mine. Since I ordered a plaine olgas with no sauce meat well done. Hmmm. I looked at and said ..Yuck and said umm please take this one back. So she did and the manager made the third one. It was excellent!!
So we sat there and regrouped for a bit.

I wanted to get back here and make a few calls write the bills and do a few of those things. I had to laugh my car bill payment slip must of grew wings and flew off someplace. I had every bill but that one. I went searching and finally...called and talked to them with the account number.
I had to laugh, I got on the phone and the house is a mess. I got things all over the place. Cause when I hunt for things thats me. A mess.
And the phone rings my daughter and the baby are on their way LOL.
I was like omg. So I was running with the phone and doing twenty things at once. So talk about flexibility.
My Hubby said later. *I don't know how you keep it all straight*
I had to laugh really loud!!!
Together...I said * Try gotta say flexibile or I am in big trouble.

The rest of the day we spent with the kids...and laughing at the *little one*
She is so darn cut and is also has a little stubborn streak to .
Wonder who she gets that from! Lol
To funny as hectic as it was it was a great day.
I am pooped. So I am off to get some rest.
Man is it snowing and blowing here. Amazing I don't thing we have had so much snow in a really long time or a winter this rough.
Winter advisory up.....I have to laugh about it to. Cause its 5 inches not a foot or anything.
So we will see what the morning brings.

Hugs and Prayers, Sleep tight everyone. Always Hope

Food For Thought

Sun, 02 Mar 2008 04:53:22 GMT

THE INVITATION

by Oriah mountain Dreamer, Indian Elder

It doesn't interest me

what you do for a living.

I want to know

what you ache for,

and if you dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me

how old you are.

I want to know

if you will risk looking like a fool for love,

for your dreams,

for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me

what planets are squaring your moon.

I want to know

if you have touched the center of your sorrow,

if you have been opened by life's betrayals,

or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain!

I want to know

if you can sit with pain,

mine and your own,

without moving to fade it or fix it.

I want to know

if you can be with JOY,

mine or your own:

if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstacy fill you to the tips of your fingers without cautioning us to be careful,

to be realistic,

or to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me

if the story you are telling me is true.

I want to know

if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself:

if you can bear the accusation of betrayal

and not betray your own soul.

I want to know

if you can be faithful and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know

if you can see beauty even when it is not pretty everyday,

and if you can source your life from it's presence.

I want to know

if you can live with failure

yours or mine,

and still stand on the edge of a lake

and shout to the silver of the full moon,

"YES!"

It doesn't interest me

to know where you live or how much money you have.

I want to know

if you can get up after the night of grief and despair,

weary and bruised to the bone,

and do what needs to be done for the children.

It doesn't interest me

who you are,

or how you came to be here.

I want to know

if you will stand at the center of the fire with me

and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me

where or what or with whom you have studied.

I want to know

what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

I want to know

if you can be alone with yourself,

and if you truly like the company you keep

in the empty moments

I got the Blues..

Thu, 28 Feb 2008 04:07:09 GMT

Okay tonight I admit it my mood is lower then an ants belly.
Maybe to much on my plate or weeding through whats on it right now.
I am tired this happens about once a month I over do it and get zapped..
Then I am reminded about the disease I had.
That creates chaos once in a while. Then I have to just regroup no getting around it.
I keep thinking that will just one day go away. Then I am gently reminded by my Husband that I have been to hell and back and rest is a good thing to heal. So i do it but its frustrating at times.
Today we had our Wee One. and when she took a nap I took one with her.
So I had a 2 hr rest mid day and that was good.

I just wish I could get a handle on when its going to hit and adjust for it. Thats the thing you can't . That is frustrating as heck to me.
Anyways I do have the blues today. So going to work on some photographs and just regroup.

Its cold and fierce here in Michigan. Its warm in here but the wind is raging and howling. I am looking for spring!!
Hugs and Prayers Always Hope

Last year at this time.

Sat, 23 Feb 2008 02:51:51 GMT

Last year at this time we were awaiting our first Grandchild.
Tomorrow we are going to her first Birthday Party. I can hardly believe she will be a year old on the 27th of Feb.
She is a bundle of joy. Toddling around. She is walking. She is still a tiny thing. She is about 18lbs. Tiny like her mom.
No teeth yet. So we get this really gummy grin when she smiles. She is one of those little ones that smiles with her whole being.
She is to funny cause she scrunches her face up its so funny.
She jabbers up a storm and if she doesn't like something you know about it.

I know one thing she has brought this family so much joy. Amazing what one baby can do and how life changes when they come in to the world.

So tomorrow we will be celebrating Kailah's birthday. I can't wait.
Also its funny cause I couldn't imagine being a Grandma. Now I can't imagine not being one.
Now I am waiting patiently for her to call me Grandma LOL
Or whatever she deems me.

Looking forward to our family getting together to celebrate.

Make it a good night....Hugs and Prayers Hope

Just A Thought

Thu, 21 Feb 2008 17:36:54 GMT

*The wise don't expect to find life worth living...
they make it that way.*
Author Unknown.

Just A Thought

Thu, 21 Feb 2008 17:33:54 GMT

“There are many things in life that will catch your eye, but only a few will catch your heart…pursue those.”
(michael nolan)

Doing my homework.

Thu, 14 Feb 2008 04:00:12 GMT

When I was a freshman in college it was one of the best years of my life. In so many ways it was a year of new beginnings. I had worked one year before going full time and went to a Junior college near by. I love it there, but I had bigger fish to fry and needed more.
I always loved being an artist however its a gift that needs enriching.
This was a huge break. Durning that year of going to night classes I was able to get together a small portfolio to show to enter Arts and Crafts. In Detroit. Now known as the Center for Creative Studies School of Art and Design. I remember being so scared walking in the doors there dropping off that portfolio. I remember wondering if I was good enough. Getting in there was a dream deal.
Amazingly I made it in to a four year program in the Advertising Design Program. I remember thinking then you have to dream art live it and breath it and thats what I did for the whole time there. I remember back then thinking so many nurturers to help us along. Looking back on it there was so much I learned.
I worked my way through and it was worth it. I learned th value of hard work and working to gain things.
Back then I had one love and that was photography. Most who read here see the photographs. But they don't know the story of it.
Durning this 4 year program in 1974 . I took a blk and white photography class. I didn't know a thing but how to load the camera and that was about it. I could take pictures but didn't know much about it. So this class was full of guys and one other girl who knew so much. I was like oh my gosh I don't know a thing. The worst part I had to learn to develop pictures to . I knew nothing.
So that was the start of something big. I made it though the first semester, I had a ton of help but with a good eye and being a fast learner I did okay. Then my professor I really loved that guy, but I was really quiet and shy then.
He gets the idea in class and tells all for an assignment he wants us to take a photograph of some one we do not know. I was thinking yeah okay.
So I was thinking okay now what. Never thinking how one picture can change a life .
So I really waited till the last minute and booked the last time on for the lab slips . Thinking no way I will just walk up to someone I do not know.
We had till the end of January to do the work and get what he wanted. and I mean I waited till the last Sunday of the month thinking I gotta do something now.
So I decided to go for a ride to the cider mill thinking who knows maybe someone will be there . My parents were like take your sisters. Two little whiney snotty nose brats..one of them was. The other my youngest sister was smiling and happy. I was stuck.
Off we went in my pea green Valiant on a sunny winters day.. up in to the hills of a near by suburb.
The cider mill was not open but was thinking its chilly but a walk would be good.
I was thinking no one knows these are my sisters. but then thats not fair either to lie about it.
So we got in the car and drove up over the two way bridge, behind the cider mill. My sister screams out *There is someone you do not know!*
God bless that kid..even at 13 she was smart as whip.
There was a young man in flannel shirt jeans and ball cap, there fishing. I was thinking to myself..omg. There is no way I am taking his picture.
My sister sitting there smiling saying. * Well why not?* She was smug too. Such a look on her face almost cheering me on.
So I snapped a few pictures...All of a sudden the guy comes up and says.
* Excuse me miss...What are you doing?*
I was stumbling on my words ...And shot out a few words. *Taking pictures for an assignment, of some one I don't know!*
Not only was this guy young but just good looking. He was direct and looked me right square in the eyes. It took my breath away.
No one ever did that in my life . No man anyways.
I took some more pictures and as I did I almost slipped into the creek he was fishing in. When that happened he grabbed be by the arm so I wouldn't fall. That just did me in for the day.
I was leaving walking away and he asked me for my number.
I was thinking yeah okay, then he reminded me I had pictures he wanted to see to.
So as the story goes that is how I met my Husband. Taking a picture of someone I did not know on the edge of creek on a beautiful day in January. Now as luck would have it he was sitting with a friend who owned a bar looking through his wallet about a week later.
He mentioned he had met me about a week earlier and thought about calling but had not. His friend said * Ahh, call her!* Thats what he did.
I said and I was blunt. I was thinking girl whats came over you!
I said *Come on over meet my folks...and we can talk.* He said *Tonight!* I said*Sure!*
And he did.
One week later it was Valentines day our first Date.
That was thirty three years ago tomorrow.
See good things happen when you do your homework.

Happy Valentines Day

Always Hope.

Ps....I am thankful for: Being in the right place at the right time, one photograph and a rich life full of many blessings.:)

Liked this one

Wed, 13 Feb 2008 00:54:58 GMT

Anyone for a nice cup of tea?

A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, were talking at a reunion and decided to go visit their old university professor, now retired.

During their visit the conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in their work and lives. Offering his guests tea, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of tea and an assortment of cups - porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to the tea. When all the alumni had a cup of tea in hand, the professor said:

"Notice that all the nice-looking, expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. Be assured that the cup itself adds no quality to the tea. In most cases it is just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink. What all of you really wanted was tea, not the cup; but you consciously went for the best cups.... and then you began eyeing each other's cups.

Now consider this: Life is the tea; your job, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life. The type of cup one has does not define, nor change the quality of life a person lives. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the tea. The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything.

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly...... And enjoy your tea.

Just a thought

Tue, 04 Dec 2007 20:27:00 GMT

Happiness is an attitude. We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong. The amount of work is the same. ~Francesca Reigler

You never know who may change your Life.

Sun, 25 Nov 2007 23:58:48 GMT

Sometimes we meet a person and our life is completly and forever changed.
Today I was sitting here thinking about this one young person.
Who did just that!

Its funny but there are times that I struggle with fighting my health issues so much.
But his motto was always. * Keep fighting . Stop Struggling.*
The words of a brilliant young Man.

So can one person make a difference yes.
Its like throwing a pebble in a pond. You watch the rings it makes as the as the pebble hits the water.
But you never know how far the ripples of that ring reach or who.
So to the one person who did change my life...Thanks.

Today I am grateful.
Always Hope

Happy Thanksgiving

Thu, 22 Nov 2007 06:20:27 GMT

Expect nothing, appreciate everything.(unknown)

I could sit here and make a list of what I am thankful for.
But I won't.
I will just say that I am very thankful to be here.
I went to therapy today. And looked at the faces of some people.
No happiness in the faces.
One thing therapy has taught me again . Is that no matter how bad I have it there is always someone who has it worse.
Some one there asked me why I was always so happy.
What can I say. I am just a happy person.
But I do appreciate everything in my day.
Most likely that comes from the situation.
Cancer is a great equalizer and really changes perspective.
It doesn't control life if you don't let it.
So I am just out living my life and happy I might add about that!!

What are you Thankful for?

Have a great Thanksgiving!!
Always Hope

Sharing a painting

Sat, 17 Nov 2007 21:28:35 GMT

Thoughts on surviving ten years.

Thu, 27 Sep 2007 05:16:45 GMT

I have been sitting here all week wondering what to write about I know that some are bored and some thought why put fundraising things here. And thats all fine.

Its whats happening in my life and its a huge family event. So thats why I have written about it for awareness sake.

I have been thinking a lot about being a long time survivor.
It has many blessing but its down side to.
I am out living many friends and family that have dealt with cancer and other health issued.
Its wicked at times cause I think wow..how can I be here and them gone.

But then I think Wow..I am here how cool is that!!!

This weekend is the Walk. YaY! Finally. We didn't raise as much as we thought we would. But we did well.
And every dollar helps and thats is great.

Saturday is my 29th wedding anniversary...Which is awesome.
The best...Love this Man with all my heart.
But then its the same day I was diagnosed. Yup you read that right.
So we have decided to keep it as a good day!!
I can't fathom I have been blessed with 10 yrs when some doctor said if I got three months I would be lucky.
Imagine that!!
God had bigger plans.
I see that a much bigger picture now then I did back then.
Amazing to look back at things.
Empowering and a catlyst for the future.
Yes I said future.

Its funny for a while I lived in today only. But recently I seem to be getting better at saying wow maybe next Nov..I will do that. I haven't done that in a very long time..Looking ahead like that. In Months. So things are getting a bit different in the scope of things and my thinking.
Who knew!

Anyways I have been very busy with life.
Thinking about closing this space as for some reason its not getting traffic as in the past.
Cancer not easy to read about unless its you or family a rotten subject.

I hope one day people will learn to understand it and do away with the stigma of all people who get it die..Thats not true now a days I am living proof that people live with it everyday.

Its funny if you met me on the street you wouldn't even know to look at me whats going on inside.
My hair has grown back and is long...covering my scars and tatoos from radiation. In fact thinking of cutting it for Locks Of Love. I have gained some weight due to better health and predisone.
And all and all things look better. But as I said to someone to day...I stay vigilant.. cause we don't know whats around the next bend. Thats a fear folks that never leaves you. Will I be in remission forever its in God's hands. I hope so. but no promises on it . STage 4...who knows whats next.

Its funny you think you would get use to it. But not sure we really ever are.
One can hope and pray.
One thing I have learned is make the best of today right hear and now.
Don't wait to tell others you love them and care for them. Do it today now.
Tomorrow is a gift and should be seen as such.

Friday is the Walk...and I am just excited about it . I know to many it doesn't mean much. But if you have had this disease or know someone who has..Then it makes a difference for you to have the avaiablility of help and support out there to fall back on.
To me and my family thats a huge blessing.
I will walk as a survivor and as a friend to those fighting it. It not one name but many folks. I can't list them all here.
And I walk in Memory of my best bud Lynne.
So I am sure there will be lots of laughter but lots of tears for those lost to.
But its worth everything to be here ten years later with my family and to share it with them.

Lots of excitement in the air these days.

I will be there walking where there is a will there is a way.
Always Hope.

Fleeting Moments

Thu, 26 Jul 2007 07:02:04 GMT

In taking pictures of the swans, it almost happens so fast. Then its over.
Sometimes you can wait years to take one photograph.
These were taken prior to dusk.
We drove up on these two sitting on the edge of the boat ramp.
Of all places. But the light and the shadows were perfect.
I realized, if I walk slowly I could almost reach out and touch them.
Something about these birds not sure what.
Today I realized its because they are white. No matter whats around them they are stunning.
When I get a glimpse of them its a move fast and shot fast situation.
Life is like that fast and fleeting moments.
We have to drink them up while we have them and cherish them all.
Something I have learned is grasp every second of the day.
Today is right here and now. Don't let the beauty around you slip away.
Look hard at whats around you. Embrace the gifts we are given daily.
God has given us so many gifts. One that we rarely realize is our vision.
Take care of it cherish it .
As an artist..its one of my greatest gifts.
I think thats one thing that makes artists different..is they realize
how special the gift is. No matter how bad your vision is
its truly something you still do is see.
Third eye , third sense whatever you call it its there.
Its part of what your given.
Part of that Gift. Using is part of you.
What are you truly meant to be?

Life is truly a secession of fleeting moments. Not meant to be wasted but used to the best of your God given abilities.

Tonight I am sitting here typing this. I am looking out over the darkened sky.I can hear the wind chimes in the distance as it breaks the silence.
In a few hours it will be daylight.
Its almost 3am and in an hour or so the mourning doves will be signing.
I am off for some sleep.
Go out, grab the moments and hours.
Hugs and Prayers,
Hope

Reflecting

Tue, 24 Jul 2007 05:09:53 GMT

Lately, I have been doing a lot of reflecting.
I am coming up on my 10th yr dealing with cancer.
I gotta say ...I am one lucky person.
At times if funny its easy as hell then something hits me and its hard as hell to get my footing.
Life in general minus cancer would be the same.
Sometimes I feel that I am okay with it I mean that life is normal in so many ways. Then there are days. That it kicks me back with a nasty reminder.
I don't think about it every second of the day now. Nor do I sit and dwell.
That is a positive thing.
Maybe I am working through to a better place.
By normal I mean a new norm..that I have created for me.
This to has helped me. I don't live my others standards just my own and what I am up to doing.
Positive again.
However I am still trying to deal with a few issues on things.
Not sure that comes easy.
I think thats going to be a struggle learning ways to cope differently.
But getting help on that as well.
************************
Reflecting to me on a regular basis..is a good thing.
I also wanted to say with my 10 yr date coming up fast.
That to is my 29 wedding aniversary to. Some might say oh how horrible.
But I don't say so. I think it is good to see the hardships of a wonderful day.
And we are still here together to enjoy it.
So heres the thing. On the 28th of Sept. I plan on doing the
Leukemia Lymphoma Society Light the Night.
This is a huge event.
I have never done it before.
Considering my best friend passed away from Leukemia in 2004 and a
friend . Judy who has Lymphoma is getting ready to have a Stem Cell Transplant.
This the perfect time and reminder.
That the LLS.. has backed me through this long haul with Lymphoma.
LLS also backs research in behalf of all patients with these blood cancers.
So in return. its my chance to do something about it.
And give others starting the journey hope as well.

More to come when I get a few minutes to write.
I am reflecting a lot on all of those who really helped me through.
Always I am off for some sleep..
Hugs and Prayers Hope

Something I read today.

Thu, 21 Jun 2007 20:23:36 GMT

Two Horses

Just up the road from my home is a field

with two horses in it.

From a distance, each looks like every other horse.

But if you stop your car, or are walking by,

you will notice something quite amazing.

Looking into the eyes of one horse will

disclose that he is blind.

His owner has chosen not to have him put down,

but has made a good home for him.

This alone is amazing.

If nearby and listening,

you will hear the sound of a bell.

Looking around for the source of the sound,

you will see that it comes from the

smaller horse in the field.

Attached to her halter is a small bell.

It lets her blind friend know where she is,

so he can follow her.

As you stand and watch these two friends,

you'll see how she is always checking on him,

and that he will listen for her bell and then

slowly walk to where she is, trusting that she

will not lead him astray. When she returns to the

shelter of the barn each evening, she stops

occasionally and looks back, making sure her

friend isn't too far behind to hear the bell.

Like the owners of these two horses,

God does not throw us away just because

we are not perfect or because we have problems

or challenges. He watches over us and even brings

others into our lives to help us when we are in need.

Sometimes we are the blind horse being guided by

the little ringing bell of those who God places in our lives.

Other times we are the guide horse, helping others see.

Good friends are like this .

You don't always see them,

but you know they are always there.

Please listen for my bell and I'll listen for yours. "Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle".

Growing a Conscience

Wed, 30 May 2007 14:35:25 GMT

Life at times is pretty weird and surreal. At times I close my eyes and think maybe it will change.
Its always something.
The thing is with me I am one of those people who always wonders how I am going to affect others I come in contact with. However I have realized that most are out for themselves and thats all.
Sadly people stand around when they see a situation unfold and are dead silent. Like it doesn't matter whats happening around them.
It always makes me wonder about people.

Many years ago I was introduced to cancer. I was a nine years old the first time I knew of someone who had it . My grandparents both had colon surgery for colon cancer and lived long lives well into their 80's and 90's. However the both died of different cancers much later in life.
Then after college a good friend I worked with also had BC...Our kids were the same age and we were had tons in common. Her BC was very aggressive and they did everything possible she was 31 when she passed away. I remember being just furious how could someone so vibrant and young die.
Then some time passed and it was on person after another I knew family and friends.. and it was just something that hit me in the face on daily basis.
When I turned 30 I was having my own other health crisis's and it woke me up in so many ways. I knew that many other woman and men were as well. But I wouldn't realize for a while..just how many.
Ten years would pass and I was getting sick.. I was worn out and just starting to understand more was going on. I was 40 when started to go drastically wrong for me.
It was then I realized there was a huge problem in this country's medical system
The other was how doctors approach those who are younger who are sick. I often think of my experience and wonder how some slept at night.
Prior to my dx of cancer...I was sick fatigued . Once doctor an internist said to me * Its in your head!* I debated with him saying your wrong ..there is nothing wrong with my head or thinking. I am exhausted something is wrong. His thought was have a paxil and I won't have to deal with your complaints. Little did he care that one paxil. I never took another I was so sick for three days. Little did he know the cancer was growing in my head already and counts were already showing a major dip.

When I look back...I took care of this with a letter in his fill at the state capital at the time. I wonder if the man ever grew a conscience putting my health at risk like that.

Then there is the internist when I was finally dxed...who basically said I do not know what Non Hodgkins Lymphoma is. I had to laugh out loud.I knew it was Cancer and very serious. At that point I went out to the desk..and requested my records. I wonder about him to....If he ever read up on the subject? Or if he ever thinks about how his actions that day affect how I look at doctors differently now.

I am writing this because. Doctors are human just like you and I..They get up everyday and put on there pants just like you and I do. They have a certain knowledge just like you or I. Or a gift that helps others. But some truly shouldn't do this job. Others are truly healers and use this gift to benefit others. That is a gift.

I refuse as I was told today by my mom...to back down and off of my medical staff. I realized today my mom looks at her doctor as a god. That will not happen with me, They are people and they also make mistakes huge ones that impair peoples lives sometimes. This has to stop seeing them in this fashion.

Something happened to me about 9 years ago...and I have to write about this. I was sitting in a small room waiting for my blood to be drawn in my Oncologists office. I had a great Oncologist at the time his friendship to me is still important although he is now retired. While I was sitting there and my Husband as well. There was a younger couple then us with a small child. The oncologist not my own but much younger then my own. Was standing there holding a cup off coffee and he stood there sipping on it the whole time. I kept thinking his coffee is more important then this young mans life, his wifes and young child. I felt just saddened and angry at the time. He was the vessel of rotten information of pending death and this how he would deliver it. Coffee in hand. Was this how much one's life mattered?

I remember thinking this doctor better start growing a conscience fast or this man and his family were in real trouble.I to realized I would be to..less I spoke up .

That day when I went to the office to see my doctor...I told him how this made me feel as a patient to witness such a non supportive attitude. He agreed and I never again saw the other doctor with a coffee cup in hand or speak in such a tone to another patient.

However in my travels I have see it elsewhere. When I do I have sit up say something or at least when its over approach the patient and say you do not have to take that.

Why do we think its okay to keep quiet? Is that how it use to be or what? Don't we think more of ourselves then that or what? Is it okay that the medical system in this country is more about money then the patients out there who need care?

Something is seriously wrong in this country with our medical system. It needs to change.

Today I am miffed still no answers and I wonder how my doctor and his staff are sleeping at night.Somewhere there is a medical director who knows my whole story...and knows whats going on now. But I haven't reached that one person yet. But the plan is to leave no stones unturned as I started the process again this morning to get some answers.

Being on the other side of the the system and waiting well it sucks..no other way to put it.

Well I am to take some names...Do some cleaning and have lunch with my husband.. Life isn't just about that. I just hope one day I don't get that hard..where caring and being aware of what others feel around me when they are sick or having a bad day is just blown off. I really don't understand it!!

I am grabbing my cell phone and camera..and hitting the road...Take care have a great day everyone!!!

Always Hope.

P.S. Last week I was Space Of The Week. I failed to mention..because I never knew till it was almost over. So thanks for all the visits and comments. Appreciate all of them.

Cardiac Cats Rule American League

Sun, 15 Oct 2006 00:05:47 GMT

This is awesome the word for today is
"Believe!'
Detroit Tigers.
Rule the American League.
To all the ney sayers and those who never thought as a team they could not get it done.

Now I have to say this so we didn't get Divisional. Know what it just doesn't matter now.
Sitting on the edge of our seats is the only way to watch baseball.
We are off to the World Series!!!
Whoo Hoo!!
As we say in Detroit:
*BLESS YOU BOYS!*

I am off to celebrate it doesn't get any better then this.
Got all my Tigers Gear and I am so ready for ..
A Detroit Party!!!

Go out and Make it a great night everyone..
always, Hope

For my Brother

Fri, 13 Oct 2006 04:51:51 GMT

So many times I just wonder what some are thinking I really do. Mainly some people who have been through life altering situations and haven't learned much. I am writing this cause I find this just hard to take.This is very hard to write about so will be hard to read fors some.

I changed my profile to a new photo. One it reminds me of my childhood..and of my older Brother. He has been dead many years but there are snippets of him I remember. Even as a small child. Fall is the time he died. I recall this so well, just as the day he died. Some say small children don't remember much. Or its hear say they recall from others. But I don't think I believe that.

My Brother was almost seven my sister was six and I was just 4. Its all so weird but I remember this as clear as day. My Mom was in the basement doing laundry. It was a school day..and Dad came home for school..Along with a neighbor. My Brother had been hit by a car was on his way to the hospital. Dad had come home to tell my Mom. Who was pregnant with my sister at the time..I recall the horrendous screams of my Mom..and what she went through. I remember my Dad..and my Grandparents and just everyone there. I remember them saying these kids are to small for the funeral home. I remember being sent to my grandparents..I remember standing looking out on a old bench with cranberry material. Screaming I wanted my parents not my grand parents ..I wanted all the pain that entered this day to go away.

How can you not remember you Brother dying and not coming back? How can I forget the way he died...coming home from school ..and being hit by a drunk driver. This blows my mind...something so horrible and I am told still to this day to forget it like its nothing.

I was the third child of six . I became the second of five. How could this be?

There are so many times I try to grasp this and I can't. I wonder just what would have been like to have an older brother around. How it would be for my parents to have a son? What would have been like? All I think normal thought.

Then I get angry thinking how can a person drink and drive and not be responsible it makes me angry. How in the world could this be he lived by us a neighbor? How could not recall the kids were off for lunch at time and on their way home?

Then I recall my Mom talking to my grandma..and the priest in our living room..The priest telling my Mom no matter where you go in life you can move and your son will always be with you and your family. Its true he was right he is still with us today.

Then I drive past the school the church the corner and it all wells up in side of me.I think Oh my gosh he died there and my heart breaks in a million pieces all over again.

Then there are things that make me smile about him...Mittens and Hot Chocolate...Allied Moving Vans...cause I remember him getting one for Christmas. Rocking chairs and smirks. Pictures of him as a baby and his bird legs. Stories of Kentucky where he was born. The house on Jackson. Polished shoes all in a row. And a little white rosary.

About 15 years ago.. I worked in a Catholic School teaching religious Ed. I knew the face of one of the nuns..I couldn't recall from. but I knew her. She was the nun who was with my brother when he died. She looked at me and said is your Dad name. I said yes. She was like you look so like him is your name..and I said yes. I was Oh my god Sister Helen. The was the nun who use to come on walks daily past my house. pat me on head and talk to me...The one year it stopped. I never realized the connection. We talked this day for a while. Then one night I wasn't teaching class and we talked further. It was like a book had been opened that I missed out on. but the book was about my Brother and my family. All the pieces fit..it wasn't what others had said it was exactly as I remembered the day and those to follow.

My life changed that day..I became the little Mom of the family . I had always seen my Brother as the one who cared for us. My sister just drifted silently away turning those days..I was me and my little sister me caring for her and her with me always. I remember the break to kindergarten I couldn't handle it . My Mom took me by the hand , forced me to go.Almost dragging me by the arm. I remember crying no I can't leave her I won't ...I remember the beads of sweat pouring off of me. and Mrs.Janekey ..my teacher..saying softly it will be okay..I was never okay. I worried I fretted would my little sister be okay..She was but not in my mind.

This then seems what I was here for my sisters and helping them . I look back and being separate or separated was the worst ever it was like someone dying again what if they never come back. But then I would think how must my mom feel this was her child. I don't know how she did and raised all of us to. The hardest thing to understand is never talking about your child again was it to painful or was it just that she had all of us to raise. or just she couldn't bring herself to talking more.

I can't imagine then not getting help or being help other the clergy to help. But I don't know either how it was expected of us to forget and not speak ..To keep it silent cause that was just wrong to. But being a parent as well I do understand maybe part of it I don't know.

Its all hard. its harsh reality that nearly 45 years ago he died . Some times I can"t wrap my head around it but when the winds blow like today and I see the leaves drifting so silently and gently from the trees..or leave flutter in the grass in the breeze I do wonder. Then I think of him and smile. Knowing he is surely in God's loving arms.

always Hope.

Detroit Tigers Rule!!

Sat, 07 Oct 2006 23:57:57 GMT

Theres no party like a DETROIT party!! Detroit Tigers Rule!!
On Sept 29th I we celebrated our 28th Anniversary at Commerica park. The Tigers played Kanas City. and of course that series is history. Then we waited and heard we would be playing the Yankee's. Along with playing them is the glitz of what they paid($200 million) for this hitting machine.
The thought was if the Tiger's pitching staff..held tight..and showed the grit and heart we knew our ..Team had. Then anything is possible.
Great pitching stops big hitters!
And that fact was proven this series.
Cinderella Story..you betcha all the way.
The Detroit Tigers the way I see it have a perfect mix of young and old supporting each other as a Team..There is no I in team. Just all of us working together.
Kudos to the Tigers...And this bag of M&M's is for you Jim Leyland!!!
Go get the A's One Game at a time!!!

Why be silent.

Mon, 02 Oct 2006 21:26:35 GMT

* A woman can & should indeed be armed with courage, determination , spirit, and knowledge. Whether or not she is armed with anything else.* Nancy Bittle

There are so many reasons why I decided to write this. Last night I tossed and turned about a few things ...and I feel that I need to say a few things.
First there are some that have gotten to know me well here..and I have met some great people through net..And some in person I have had priviledge to meet. Others I haven't and they are like family to me.

Something came across to me recently that hit me funny and stuck in my gut. When that happens to me it sends me in to high alert. I am a fact finder sometimes it hits me all at once..other times it hits me in bits. If you have ever been raped, been very close to someone you love who has experienced it first hand...Harassed,or stalked..Then you need to understand ..This can happen to anyone. And it happens on the net as well. I have seen it here and in other forums. Not the first time.
I am not going to sit here and toss stones. I am just going to say I asked why a space was restricted or unavailable and no reply. Fine with me.

Frankly I know women don't bs about these kind of things happen that I have been reading in the spaces recently. When they speak out it takes strength to do so. Been there not easy to do.
Frankly I am not up for a hunt, to tired and not up to par.
but I am for saying being a target of an obsessed person. Is a scarey deal..anyone who has been there knows it and how it feels. But living in fear..afraid to talk to speak out ..No way!!! Then they win. So BEWARE Ladies.

Always Hope

quote

Fri, 25 Aug 2006 15:15:35 GMT

*Hope is passion for what is possible*
unknown.

The Station

Thu, 17 Aug 2006 20:43:19 GMT

life is so short and this is a awsome read.

The Station By Robert Hastings
Tucked away in our subconsious minds is a idyllic vision o which we see oursleves on a long journey that spans the entire continent. We're traveling it by train and from the windos we drink in the passing scenes of cars on a near by highway, of children waving at crossings,of cattle grazing in the distant pastures, of smoke pouring
from power plants, of row upon row of cotton and corn and wheat, of flat lands, and valleys, of city skylines and village halls.
But uppermost in our minds is our final destinations-for at a certian hour and on a given day, our train will finally pull into the station with bells ringing, flags waving and bands playing. And once that day comes, so many wonderful dreams will come true. So Restlessly, we pace the aisles and count the miles, peering ahead ,
waiting , waiting , waiting for the station.
*Yes whe we reach the station that will be it! We promise ourselver, when we're eighteen..win that promotion...put the last kid through college....buy that 450 Sl Mercedes Benz...Pay off the mortgage,,,
have a nest egg for retirement.*
From that day on we will live happily ever after.
Sooner or later however,,,we must realize there is not station in this life, no on earthly place to arrive to once and for all. The journey is the joy, The station is an illusion- its constantly out distances us. Yesterday's a memory, tomorrow's a dream. Yesterday is already history, Tomorrow belongs to God, Yesterday's a fading sunset, tomarrows a faint sunrise, Only today is to light enough to love and live.
So, gently close the door on yesterday and throw the key away. I isn't the burdens of today that drive men mad..but rather the regret over yesterday and the fear of tomorrow.
*Relish the moment,* is a good motto especially when coupled with Psalm 118:24
* This the day the Lord hath made: We will rejoice and be glad in it.*
So stop pacing the aisles , and counting the miles , Instad swim some more rivers , climb more mountians,
kiss more babies, count more stars,, Laugh more cry less. Go bare foot oftener , Eat more ice cream,
Ride more merry go rounds. Watch more sunsets,. Life must be lived as we go.

Robert Hastings is right..

There is a saying stop and smell the roses...I mean don't just walk past them stop and smell... I mean do more look at there beauty and really smell them. I mean do it like its the last time you will ever do it. I promise you that puts a different spin on things..Will put a new perspective on things thats a promise.

Have a great day Everyone...
Always Hope

Ahhhhhhhh IT WENT PERFECT

Sun, 09 Jul 2006 20:01:18 GMT

What can I say...But it went Perfect!!!
Just a quick entry..I know mother of the bride was suppose to relax and not take pictures..LOL
Well I took around four hundred..and here are my favorites.
We had a great photographer there..who just let those who wanted pictures...follow her around.
At one point she took pictures of all of us taking pictures.
She also told me to look for a mentor to follow around.
She was taken back by the photographs in our home. And would love to visit to take a look see..I was pretty honored by that.
Anyway..We had about an hour here for pictures befor the limo picked up for the ceremony. The limo was rather cool..been years since I was in one..like maybe twenty nine years or so.
Our Bride was cooler then a cucumber the who trip..Much more confident then she has been..no nerves nothing. I was glad. cause I was!! Anyway..We had to sneak her in at the hall..past all the the Groom and Guests.
With a few minutes to spare.
I looked outside and the things were perfect. It was really funny..I was looking out there and I saw a family of geese..just going pass..I was thinking by the time we got out side for the Ceremony they would be right in the back ground ..Sure enough they were..There was a nice breeze..and it was perfect by the water.
The Runner kept moving due to the breeze.but that was stopped by some tent steaks..and wire hangers to hold it.
DJ..a friend of ours from the fire hall was there for music..and Sam Jackson a friend to do the ceremony..
The Ceremony was lovely short but right to the point.
Our Groom was nervous and emotional..but Sam helped him through it..Our Bride..seemed to have practiced this many times in her head..It was precious..and we were seated so close to be part of it.
They kissed and it was offical
Husband and Wife.
We then boarded the limo.
For pictures at Wahby park..This was a great idea.
The weather and lighting there was great.
We never did use the gazbo ..but it all worked out fine.
It was perfect there..cause the sun was behind us and lighting great.
We had about an hour there and had to get back to the hall for dinner.
We had dinner..then had the Dj...move the larger speakers outside and only one in the hall. Once the Daddy Daughter and first Dance was done. That worked out great..those who wanted to converse..could and the rest could enjoy the lake dance and just enjoy the weather.
We spent a great part of the day outside and evening.
The two events that brought a huge amount of laughs was the Grandmother of the Groom caught the bouqet
So we all had a huge laugh..but what was to come was her dancing around with the garter..It was so funny and she was a great sport..She even put her leg and with the garter on by the guy who caught it for pictures..The Dj playing Girls just want to have fun...by Cindy Lauper. It was great.
Later on as the night went on...The Neighboring Hall the Bride Karen walked over and our Daughter and here had a dance and talked..We realized at that point we had the best DJ..cause everyone was outside dancing.
It wound down and we talked and just laughed alot.
The hardest thing for me was the girls and how close the are. All of them were sad it was over but so happy it happened and was so perfect.
We home and I had a few rum and cokes..and just reflected on watching it unfold all the work and fun leading up to it.
It was so sweet to be here..Oh my gosh I can't tell you.
I was sitting here now just reflecting on all the sweet and wonderful things you hear about your children at weddings.
Bride and Groom both.
Made me remember how much work goes in to parenting and it all comes back 99% of the work you put in.
So the word of the day seems to be
PERFECT!!!

Have a great day..Always Hope