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Way to Young.

Sat, 16 Aug 2008 19:17:41 GMT

Leroy Sievers 1955-2008

Leroy Siever's Battle Inspired Courage
I first heard of Leroy sometime ago on a Ted Koppel's , Documentary on Cancer. It was a documentary which Ted focuses on his friend Leroy Siever's blog, *My Cancer*and he responses to in the cancer community.
I have read this blog from the beginning not only did I meet and leave comments for a incrediably huge man in spirit and in heart. But a warrior in all sense of the word. His battle was written about in this blog. It is open and very much to the point. He said what many patients feel and shared opening about his fight with cancer. Never a victim always a survivor in every since of the word. Cancer is not a pretty or easy disease, Leroy shared it all no fluff all truth. Feelings and all .
This blog profoundly challenged my thoughts with my own cancer as well as realizing its something that many of us are dealing with on a daily basis.
Leroy, gave a gift and left a huge legecy through this blog . He became a daily friend one I checked daily in good times and rotten ones his candor on so much was shared. If any
thing his blog was about living the with a disease so many have and in this community of cancer. All of us were profoundly touched by Leroy.

One thing I realized being a part of his blog comments. Is that there is a huge community of patients, caregiver-survivors out there. I am have been extremely blessed to be a part of it.

I will be forever grateful for Leroy , his story and what he shared with all of us daily.

My prayers are with Laurie and their Family and Friends today.

Rest in Peace Leroy.

Between Pediatric and Geriatrics

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 17:44:04 GMT

I haven't written much lately. Today I feel I should just cause of what's on my mind. A while back someone told me it was okay I had cancer at my age. I was shocked at the immaturity of the person. Never mind that I was 41 when I was at my sickest and entered treatment at age42. Thats not old my any means.But as I wonder around the internet just checking out cancer sites.I realize in some forums I am an *Old Fart Cancer Patient* Being over 40. Omg!! How can that be!!

It brings me to this. Few weeks back I bumped in to a man at the hospital who was 105 and had cancer. I beg to say his needs are way different then mine as a cancer patient. Let alone a person his age. But are they the same as mine. In some ways of course. But in other ways no way.

I am finding we have a social situation that should be with cancer. But am I better off cause I got dxed at 42. I don't thinks so in some ways. In other ways yes I can't argue because I do not know how it is to be 20 with cancer. But its still cancer at any age. IT stinks.

Ironically I don't think my age even at 53 is old. I simply don't. Each age group as its thing with cancer and socially you work through to a better point.

What upsets me is when people think at my age, I have one foot on the banana peel and the other in the grave. Since I don't rate to be in the younger group Nor the older group. I have to laugh. Or I love this one.. *Wow you survived you must of had the good cancer!* Believe me there is no good cancer.

Cancer is cancer anyway you look at it.

The thing is I have visited Planet Cancer and Your2Young for this. I love everything about both as well as a few other sites I have found. I also travel many blogs of those with similar cancer as mine. The insite there is incrediable. But I will say its not anything I haven't felt.

As I sit here to day, I am a woman , a wife ,a mom, a newer grandma, and so much more. I am far from old and geratrics. I am active as I can be and as well as I can be for a woman with cancer for my age. But to just assume all people are old of mind and body over 40. I will still deal with cancer forever. Surviving is the tough part and dealing with the day to day issues its tough.

I admit... that maybe all social ages need groups. But so we lump 40 up to 105 and think thats okay. How in the world is that right?? It blows my mind.

Anyways thats just food for thought. If your younger with cancer. I am sorry you have it and have to deal with it. But I also think at any age its really hard just different things to do with. I am in the throws of my husband retiring. young. Kids in college, Weddings and new Grandbabies. Yes I have experienced lots of life. But having cancer with a pre teen &teens in the house was a tough deal as well. Forty is the age of parenting so much more. And yes I couldn't have another child either. That was tough but I was thankful as well for those given to me. But still today at fifty three I don't fit in the geriatric area either. Old Fart maybe but ancient never. So many elderly Americans living life with cancer and many things. But looking at the physio social relms of cancer lumping us in one group is strickly wrong .

So Old Fart maybe age wise to the younger set. But from where I sit I am in the middle which is fine with me. That just means I can touch anyone and everyone with cancer. In hopes of giving them hope.

As for the person who made the remake I would never understand at his age. That I had my life already at forty two. That is just plain silly. Cancer sucks at any age. No age is any different. I don't think living life with it is easy at any age. Thats just my take.

The thought I have at any age is make it the best day possible that we have everyday.

The other thing is that: Tomorrow any of us could step outside and get hit by a bus!* Young or old it can happen to anyone.

As for cancer I hate it. I hate that any age gets it and it could be anyone I love as well. It just stinks all of it.

Anyways just food for thought.
Will post later today. I have not felt that great today. So I am off to rest.

Hugs and Prayers
Always Hope

Ahh I love the messege..

Tue, 05 Aug 2008 14:14:58 GMT

I got this Link today from a friend . So I took a look...Finish Strong. I love the music as well. :)
Have a great day.
Hugs and Prayers Always Hope

Hubby and Me

Mon, 04 Aug 2008 04:01:28 GMT

Last Friday was a very insane day around here. I never wrote about cause just thinking about it, is exhausting for me. We both got up before 5am in the morning and that is really to early. We had to drive across town for an earlier surgeons appointment then we had planned. As it turned out, someone canceled for a procedure at 7am. When they call you for this surgeon and that happens you grab that appointment.
Here is the scoop. Husband is set up for surgery on August 28th. It will be ambulatory care. So this is fine. Not a office procedure which I already knew due to them messing around with the wrist joint. ICK. There is inflammation by the ulna and pain due a bone spur. Plus the bones in that arm are to short..which is probaly a birth defect of sorts. The growth in there is most like a ganglion cyst. But it has more then one lobe. Meaning its one cyst which has like tenticles on it and the next lobe grows. Thats not a bad thing very common we were told. But its were it is and thats right on the radial artery and sometimes it will wrap around the artery or tendons. So its tricky.
As of now pre op...all of that info was okay. But one glitch. Husbands blood pressure was to the Moon. I mean sky high. He had forgotten to take his one med which, was not a good thing . Two days worth and he was having a problem.
So we came home. Then called the Primary Doc. Who said to come in Now. So thats what we did. She was like *Holy Cow!* The took it three times and it did not come down. I was getting worried sitting there and he was so not himself to. So they gave him two pills. One first did a re check on the bp then said nope Then a second. Finally and improvement. Then later that night I was to give him another. Which I could see the difference.
So we are addressing that issue totally. And he learned a lesson that this med can't be stopped. We were told he can possibly with checking his BP.s daily it is possible to get 2 a day verses three. and If its a problem remembering..there is a patch use. But he said no the pill is fine. PLus he told his doctor. That she had really better stress the importance of certain meds. When your on three different Meds for the same thing. They are not all the same. Seems he doesn't want to forget any of them. Now. So we are watching that closely.
His BP checks yesterday and today were great. Whew..thank goodness.
So hopefully we will be fine by the time surgery is.
Post op . Plaster cast for possibly two weeks . Then recheck. Then a splint for four weeks if things go well. No lifting at all for six weeks. Plus he told us. He will have a z..or zig zag incission due to that being easier for healing. ( I told Hubby heck I got a machine for that. He just laughed)
So thats pretty much it on that. Whew!!

I just wanted you all to know..Beth I know you were wondering on the removal of my port. I had been putting that off. Due to so much happening.
Our surgeon can take care of it. I do not have to find someone else to do it. He said * He would not remove it till my next round of tests. In Sept*
So that said thats a relief. He can do it at his office in the surgical suite. Only thing he is concerned about is scar tissue after this long. Plus he will repair my scar to. Its horrid. So I feel so much better on that for now.

We had a great weekend more on that later.

I am off. I have the Grandbaby tomorrow . So we are planning on going to the park to feed the ducks in the morning. Hoping for a nice day.
Sleep well everyone...Hugs and Prayers Hope

Perspective

Sun, 03 Aug 2008 16:30:47 GMT

Has me feeling amazingly lucky. As well as grateful in every sense of the word.

I am off to spend the day with my Family.

Hugs and Prayers, Always Hope

A Story Close to My Heart !

Sat, 02 Aug 2008 01:11:39 GMT

I read many blogs and spaces daily. It seems at times my list grows. With some really heart warming and inspiring blogs. Tonight once again I have to share Nate and Tricia's Blogspot. Some how I was brought to this story and for ever changed by this young couple faith and fight for survival.
Tricia is a young woman who by all means fits the bill of a fighter. She has lived all her life with cystic fibrosis and now due to a double lung transplant she has a form of Lymphoma which she is now in treatment for. She is an amazing young woman. Who prior to transplant gave birth to a micro premmie. All the while her husband Nate staying close by her side fighting with her. Its an amazing story.

Tricia did one of the same treatments that I did, but it did not work .So her doctors have started her on a new treatment. So she is experiencing many things right now and soon will loose her hair as well.

Today I went to the blog and found something to share. Nath is with all of us fighting this disease called Lymphoma. He has pledged to raise,$3,OOO.
Starting August 1st to August 8th. IF he hits his goal. He will Shave his head in support of his Wife Tricia.

I want to tell all of you who read here something. I went there to read to day and this story proves how many families deal with lymphoma through out families . Not only are Tricia and Nate dealing with a form of Lymphoma. But so is her sister Janet's Husband Jeff. Like me his disease is incurable.

I encourage anyone reading this blog, those who comment and those who just fly in and out . Please make your way over to
CF Husband Goes Bald Check it out. I also want you to click on the link to go to the donation page for one second. I want you to watch the amounts scroll simple because the amounts are what people can afford. One reads $2.25 and others are more. However ever penny on there goes to those fighting these cancers. Its not about the amount every cent counts and is put to use. I want everyone to see what Nate has done in a 8 hour period. Its amazing. This is an amazing young man with a heart of gold out there helping so many. This it how it gets done folks.

Families like us wanting to help each other.

More to come. But take a look . I promise you this a story that will touch all of you. It has my total family as well.
It renews my faith in others fighting similar things as we are as a family and those willing to jump in and help. Its awesome.

I am betting Nate has to shave his head . And he will reach his goal by Monday. Thats how much support is going out to his family.

You know we hear so much garbage and read so much rotten news in a day. I for one what to read real life stories of great faith in times of hardship. I love reading about people who inspire. This is truely one of those stories.

Come on now go read...What do you have to loose??? It will do your heart good....:)

Hugs and prayers always Hope

PS...More to this story. If Nate reaches his goal of $3.000 by 12midnight Monday August 4 . I will buzz my Head. Simply in support of Tricia and Nate and others with lymphoma. If by August 8th, he reaches $5,000 or more I will shave my head then post a picture here and on my other blog.Which I will post the link later. He is well on his way to his goal. I have sent him an email as well. In support what he is doing.

I know some will think I have gone off my rocker. But I know a few who did the same for me. So I am off to check out the buzzer. I got a feeling I am going be having a buzz cut soon. LOL Plus its only hair and it will grow back. I belong to the *Sister Hood Of The Bald is Beautiful* anyways as a survivor. (I know hugs heal as well as support going through the process.) So I know my head looks better then Nate's does.!! :)

So I am posting this so he knows I am up for the challenge! So if you are reading this blog more to come!!

Have a great night everyone...More to come. Always HOPE, Always

Bush Signs the Pediatric Cancer Bill

Wed, 30 Jul 2008 22:03:50 GMT

I wanted to post this yesterday. But I never got a chance to . Something many of us have been working towards for a very long time.
Blood cancers are the leading cause of death of children under the age of 20. Knowing other Kid's with other kinds of cancers as well. I am so happy to know finally its a step in the right direction for the Kids!!

Bush signs pediatric cancer bill named for Rep.Pryce's daughterTuesday, July 29, 2008 By Jonathan Riskin
THE COLUMBUS DISPATCHWASHINGTON -- They've been in a tough fight with avicious disease, but two little girls from central Ohio emerged from the Oval Office and walked out onto the driveway outside the White House this morning with wide grins, official pins andpresidential words of encouragement.
Hannah Lewis, 7, of Reynoldsburg and Eden Adams, 8,of New Albany, who became friends as they underwent cancer treatment at Nationwide Children's Hospitalin Columbus, were among those on hand to watch President Bush sign a pediatric cancer bill into law.
The Caroline Pryce Walker Conquer Childhood CancerAct was crafted by Rep. Deborah Pryce, R-UpperArlington, and named by lawmakers after her daughter, who died in 1999 after battling neuroblastoma.B
oth Hannah and Eden used the same word to describe meeting the president and first lady, being given presents and a tour of the Oval Office: "Cool."The signing ceremony was not open to the press aside from still photographers, but Hannah's mother,Jessica Lewis, said Bush told the families that he knew "we were going through a tough time and wished us the best."
Jessica Lewis and Eden's father, Rourke Adams, said they hope the next step after President Bush's signature will be for Congress to approve spending the first $30 million installment this year of what the law calls for: $150 million over five years for such initiatives as expanded pediatric cancer research and a national childhood cancer database.
The single parents saw their friendship at Nationwide Children's Hospital, which paid for the families to attend the White House signing ceremony,blossom into a relationship."This is something we deal with every day," RourkeAdams said about having a child who is battling cancer. Adams said it is his hope that a fully funded cancer database will in future years give researchers more information about why children develop cancer.
After the signing ceremony, Pryce said shewas "delighted" to see her legislation enacted.The president and first lady spent a lot of time with the children and families - including Hannah's five-year-old brother, Duncan, and Eden's brother Riley, 14 - before Bush wielded his signing pen,Pryce said. Bush lost his three-year-old sister Robin to leukemia in 1953 and Bush told Pryce he is looking forward to telling his parents that he gott o sign the pediatric cancer bill into law, thec ongresswoman added."This is a great step forward," Pryce said. "We have been waiting for this day for years now."

Sighs..Why!

Tue, 29 Jul 2008 15:57:30 GMT

Yesterday my Daughter called me. Its was one of those calls you hate to hear about. Someone a Mom, she use to work with lost a Son in a shooting.
Senseless.
As I search through the the Freep.com, I was able to pull up things about it. Minus the names with held. What really hit me, was this. You have 4 fatal shootings. Two with people in the twenties. Still way to young. Then you have a 15 and 17 yr old out after curfew. At 2 in the morning. Simply to pick up a friend who needed help. These kids walked in to something they couldn't handle and are not alive today. It just amazes me that what society thinks are kids today. Sorry but to me 15 and 17 are still young.

I don't consider twenty old either my kids are all in the twenties. They still need guidance at times. Heck so do I at times.

My daughter was really upset. She and this other lady never got along but still she is upset at the loss of her child who just graduated high school. Potential lost.

I agree when is this world going to sit up and take notice. How does one become so dam lost,to do something so wrong over petty jealousy. Its so beyond me capacity of thinking.

Now a family grieves. Now people who care grieve. So senseless.

Monday already!

Mon, 28 Jul 2008 04:07:55 GMT

Ahh its almost Monday!! We have a few things going in the morning appointments to make with the Surgeon for Hubby . Than as well as a few test appointments of me. So that will be done early.
Then I will be out and about getting help with The Light The Night Walk. We have some ideas out and about there. So just waiting on a few call backs. I am kinda not taking no for an answer. Kinda give me a reason..why! So that said. I feel good about things! At this point.

Was a very low keyed weekend. But that was a good thing. Friday I hit a brick wall fatigue wise that is never a good thing. The only thing that helps is sleeping at that point. I felt upset by it cause it caught me so off guard this time. If I only knew when its going to hit I could do something about it. I still think it has a lot to do with how my immune system handles stress. When I am under it. It always catches me that way. Hitting a brick wall is not a good thing. Its a bone tired that nothing helps but sleep.

So that said. We all kicked back, most of the weekend.

I am off for some rest...Hugs and prayers Hope

Long day to say the least....

Fri, 25 Jul 2008 02:13:41 GMT

One thing I hate is going into Detroit in the afternoon. Simply because the traffic is insane. Going to the hospital was nuts we left around one to go down. But the appointment was not till 3:45. We took a walk and did some things I needed to take care of down there.
We ended up going to the third floor to the ultrasound area. Then found out we had to be up on twelve. So we made it up there about an half hour early and waited and waited. Come to find out the machine froze computer wise. To bad the tech didn't come out for 40 minutes to let us know. So it was back down to the third floor to get things done. We waited and waited. Finally Husband got mad. Then things got moving very fast.

Anyways results will be on computer as soon as the second radiologist reads them. As it looks its not an aneurysm a good thing. However whats going on is not confided to the wrist its spread out. The do not think tumor thats a good thing. More occult ganglion cyst, which means it spread
out. So we will contact the Surgeon in the morning. Luckily we can use the plastics micro guy..who did my surgeries. So we are comfortable with that. Will leave a call for the primary doc as well to watch for the report so the referral will be in the computer as well.

We walked outta there at twenty to six exhausted. Knowing there is no way possible we had to be there that long for a 15 minute test.

Anyways. I also made a trip to the oncology floor to find out a few things &talk to the Social Worker in charge of my case. She had sent me a letter pertaining to my dental being covered possibly by my health insurance due to treatment. Of course I had not read it but it was in todays mail. Which is going to help matters for this upcoming possible dental surgery. So we will see about that.

One thing I know today I felt a ton of anxiety today just setting foot on the oncology floor. Amazing how that works. I was waiting on the elevator to leave , it must of showed in my face. This lady waiting just said in passing. * I could care less if I ever set foot on this floor again!*
I said yeah me to. She was some sort of program admin person. But was a patient as well. She said * you know we are happy to when you do not have to visit here so often.* I was really happy to hear that, cause going back is tough at times.

Plus I wanted to spare Hubby that trip to so I went while he was doing paper work . He was stressed out enough about things thats not something he had to do today.

So a fast day there turned out long and drawn out. But glad its behind us for now.

I am off to get some sleep. Off to hug a Hubby....Hugs and Prayers Hope

I am off for sleep

Thu, 24 Jul 2008 01:36:07 GMT

Tomorrow we will be driving in Detroit for a visit to the Ultra-sound Dept at Henry Ford Hospital Main. Already both of us are apprehensive about it.
I know its not much of a test. Easy in fact. But every test comes with thing that go with it. So we will wait and see what happens. I know Hubby just wants this done so we can get on with getting it over with. I just want this test done so they get him to the right doctors to get it done and done right. Sighs.

Anyways tomorrow will tell the tale I guess.

Son is responding nicely to the Antibiotics. Plus he is getting the money back cause this happened due to his work. So he is glad of that and so are we. He also said the pain meds did work well to .

So I was pretty glad of that. Thank Goodness to.

I am off to bed early tonight. Hopefully that will help with things tomorrow. getting a jump on rest lol Well I can try anyways.

Take care everyone Have a great night Hugs and Prayers ..Always Hope

Sighs...

Wed, 23 Jul 2008 04:00:26 GMT

Yesterday was a pretty weird day. I never got a chance to get back on and write. We did make that trip to the clinic. To get things taken care of .
We got there with a 2 o'clock appointment. Wrong!! Husband was seeing our Primary Doc and Son the P.A. Since he was so busy.
So Hubby got in and finished before Son was seen. First two patients of the afternoon were admits. So the PA was already over an hour behind when we got there.
Husband either had a cyst there over the radial nerve or an aneurysm of of the radial nerve. So we were sent to the hospital across the street for a ultra sound asp. Wrong we got there and there was no one on staff to do a skeletal muscular ultrasound. So we waited to they could find out exactly to see exactly where we would have to go.
Oh course its never easy....So Thursday we have to head down to Henry Ford Main for this ultrasound.
If its cyst we already know who the surgeon will be. If its an aneurysm that means vascular surgery. The chances are good its a cyst. However thats not a good thing either with where its located. But would be a better scenerio.

We hurried back to make it just in time for our Son's appointment. Sure enough the Cipro did not do the trick and the finger needed to be lanced. YUK!! I was glad Hubby was there cause I do those types of things to well. He was given a shot then they went to work on it. He was very sore and they gave him pain meds. Darvocet which he never took. And the clincher was the new antibiotic, Levaqor(sp), 97.oo for 7 pills. Even with our insurance, the same. YIKES!

I will say today he is still swollen but the redness is subsiding and thats positive. Thank Goodness.

So we are regrouping and trying to set up my appointments around all of this. I have the bone density thing on Friday. To bad I didn't make it for yesterday. lol I could of got it done with. As long as we were stuck there.

So Thursday will tell the tale. ON how the rest of the week pans out.
*********************************************************
Today, we worked on getting our Japanese Mullberry tree trimmed. Its growing wildly. If you have ever seen one it looks like an umbrella tree kinda. It very old and if you go under it you can see all the old stems that are dried out and need to be clipped out. Up underneath there is so much dry would there would be enough kindling for bon fires for the summer. We trimmed a lot of that out. and some of the older dry branches out to. Then had to get out the ladder and remove it from where it was growing in to the gutter. on the one side. Making sure it was away from the house. So that was a really big job. Four bags later. Hubby was done. But still we need to talk to someone at a nursery because we have one area that its growing over the neighbors driveway. When trimmed its fine. We just want to know how to get up there and cut the bigger branches and not kill the tree. It seems it would make sense if some of the dead pieces were removed up top that the limbs that are coming out and down would rest better and the tree would just look better. I dunno about it but, Its such a beautiful tree. and the berries are awesome that I don't want to damage it. Nor does Hubby. Plus we priced them and you do not even want to know what this tree costs to replace it. Amazing.

He finished up the the front yard. Just feeling it had to be done just in case he does not want to have be worried about doing it all later in the week. Nor do I . De stressing with everything that has to be done.

Anyways I am off for some sleep I am really tired. Hugs and Prayers Hope.

Ohhh..geesh!!

Mon, 21 Jul 2008 13:33:13 GMT

My mom always says *Its a great life if you don't weaken.* Like my mom life is always throwing punches so you punch back. I won't get in to things with me. But today will be interesting. Hubby is going to the doctors. I don't know but he has some sort of lump...on the inside of his wrist. I have no clue, cyst or whatever it is. I also know he something on his thumb that needs addressing to. So this appointment will get us the referral to the hand guy if anything. I don't think the primary doc can do much with either at this point.
Then round two. Son took that trip for his job a about a week and half back . Came back with an infection in the finger. He works for a Robotics Firm helping repair and fix robots. So he is working with hot grease that breeds bacteria. Oh joy! So he has been on Cipro and finished it so. But his finger is still sore red and inflammed. So he will be down the hall getting a recheck and problay something minor done to release the pressure and infection in that finger.
I told the other Son..don't think about it!! He just laughed.

So that will be my day. I was up bright and early working on getting this one rechecked and making sure he had collected his voice messages.

Mondays are so darned busy ...sigh!!

I figured I would go back to bed...but now the guys are outside cutting the lawn next door. So I am up for good.
Pretty day here in Michigan. Can't be to bad out there as my AC has not clicked on since about 1 am.
So I am off to enjoy whatever the day brings. Hopefully I will not be pulling my hair out by this afternoon.lol
Think I will head out to the patio and have a ice tea and regroup for a bit.
Have a great day.
Hugs and Prayers Hope

Something to make us think.

Sun, 20 Jul 2008 02:47:15 GMT

I am not in to politics. I don't like to really get in to it. But I did admire Tony Snow. For other reasons other then politics.
I know its this a bit long but sometimes somethings hit me and are pretty moving testimonials.
This one of those reads. always Hope

TONY SNOW'S TESTIMONY

This is an outstanding testimony from Tony Snow,
President Bush's Press Secretary, and his fight with cancer.
Commentator and broadaster Tony Snow
announced that he had colon cancer in 2005.
Following surgery and chemo-thrapy,
Snow joined the Bush Administration in April, 2006, as press secretary.

Unfortunately, on March 23, 2007, Snow, 51, a husband and father of three, announced that the cancer had recurred, with tumors found in his abdomen, leading to surgery in April, followed by more chemotherapy.

Snow went back to work in the White House Briefing Room on May 3, but has resigned since, 'for economic reasons,' and to pursue 'other interests.' It needs little intro . . . it speaks for itself. Snow lost the fight on July 12, 2008.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'Blessings arrive in unexpected packages, - in my case, cancer.&nbs p;
Those of us with potentially fatal diseases - and there are millions in America today - find ourselves in the odd position of coping with our mortality while trying to fathom God's will.
Although it would be the height of presumption to declare with confidence 'What It All Means,'

Scripture provides powerful hints and consolations. The first is that we shouldn't spend too much time trying to answer the 'why' questions:
Why me?
Why must people suffer?
Why can't someone else get sick?
We can't answer such things, and the questions themselves
often are designed more to express our anguish than to solicit an answer.

I don't know why I have cancer, and I don't much care. It is what it is, a plain and indisputable fact. Yet even while staring into a mirror darkly, great and stunning truths began to take shape.
Our maladies define a central feature of our existence:
We are fallen.
We are imperfect.
Our bodies give out.

But, despite this, - or because of it, -God offers the possibility of salvation and grace. We don't know how the narrative of our lives will end, but we get to choose how to use the interval
between now and the moment we meet our Creator face-to-face.

Second, we need to get past the anxiety. The mere thought of dying can send adrenaline flooding through your system. A dizzy, unfocused panic seizes you. Your heart thumps; your head swims. You think of nothingness and swoon. You fear partings;
you worry about the impact on family and friends. You fidget and get nowhere.

To regain footing, remember that we were born not into death,
but into life - and that the journey continues after we have finished our days on this earth. We accept this on fa ith, but that faith is nourished by a conviction that stirs even within many non-believing hearts - an institution that the gift of life, once given, cannot be taken away. Those who have been stricken enjoy the special privilege of being able to fight with their might, main, and faith to live fully, richly, exuberantly - no matter how their days may be numbered.

Third, we can open our eyes and hearts. God relishes surprise.
We want lives of simple, predictable ease, - smooth, even trails as far as the eye can see, - but God likes to go off-road. He provokes us with twists and turns. He places us in predicaments that seem to defy our endurance and comprehension - and yet don't. By His love and grace, we persevere. The challenges that make our hearts leap and stomachs churn invariably strengthen our faith and grant pleasures of wisdom and joy we w ould not experience otherwise.

'You Have Been Called'.
Picture yourself in a hospital bed. The fog of anesthesia has begun to wear away. A doctor stands at your feet, a loved one holds your hand at the side. 'It's cancer,' the healer announces. The natural reaction is to turn to God and ask him to serve as a cosmic Santa. 'Dear God, make it all go away.
Make everything simpler.' But another voice whispers: 'You have been called.' Your quandary has drawn you closer to God,
closer to those you love, closer to the issues that matter, - and has dragged into insignificance the banal concerns that occupy our 'normal time.'

There's another kind of response, although usually short-lived,
an inexplicable shudder of excitement as if a clarifying moment of calamity has swept away everything trivial and tiny, and placed before us ;the challenge of important questions.

The moment you enter the Valley of the Shadow of Death, things change. You discover that Christianity is not something doughy, passive, pious, and soft. Faith may be the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. But it also draws you into a world shorn of fearful caution. The life of belief teems with thrills, boldness, danger, shocks, reversals, triumphs, and epiphanies.
Think of Paul, traipsing through the known world and contemplating trips to what must have seemed the antipodes (Spain), shaking the dust from his sandals, worrying not about the morrow, but only about the moment.

There's nothing wilder than a life of humble virtue, - for it is through selflessness and service that God wrings from our bodies and spirits the most we ever could give, the most we ever could offer, and the most we ever could do.

Finally, we can let love change everything. When Jesus was faced with the prospect of cruicifixion, he grieved not for himself, but for us. He cried for Jerusalem before entering the Holy City. From the Cross, he took on the cumulative burden of human sin and weakness, and begged for forgiveness on our behalf.

We get repeated chances to learn that life is not about us,
that we acquired purpose and satisfaction by sharing in God's love for others. Sickness gets us part way there. It reminds us of our limitations and dependence. But it also gives us a chance to serve the healthy.

A minister friend of mine observes that people suffering grave afflictions often acquire the faith of two people, while loved ones accept the burden of two peoples' worries and fears.

'Learning How to Live'.
Most o f us have watched friends as they drifted toward God's arms, not with resignation, but with peace and hope. In so doing, they have taught us not how to die, but how to live.
They have emulated Christ by transmitting the power and authority of life.

I sat by my best friend's bedside a few years ago as a wasting cancer took him away. He kept at his table a worn Bible and a 1928 edition of the Book of Common Prayer. A shattering grief disabled his family, many of his old friends, and at least one priest. Here was an humble and very good guy, someone who apologized when he winced with pain because he thought it made his guest uncomfortable. He restrained his equanimity and good humor literally until his last conscious moment. 'I'm going to try to beat [this cancer],' he told me several months before he died. 'But if I don't, I'll see you on the other side.'
H is gift was to remind everyone around him that even though God doesn't promise us tomorrow, he does promise us eternity
- filled with life and love we cannot comprehend, - and that one can, in the throes of sickness, point the rest of us toward timeless truths that will help us weather future storms.

Through such trials, God bids us to choose:
Do we believe, or do we not?
Will we be bold enough to love, daring enough to serve, humble enough to submit, and strong enough to acknowledge our limitations?
Can we surrender our concern in things that don't matter so that we might devote our remaining days to things that do?

When our faith flags, He throws reminders in our way.
Think of the prayer warriors in our midst. They change things,
and those of us who have been on the receiving end of their petitions and intercessions know it. It is hard to describe, but there are times when suddenly the hairs on the back of your neck stand up, and you feel a surge of the Spirit. Somehow you just know:
Others have chosen, when talking to the Author of all creation,
to lift us up, - to speak of us! This is love of a very special order. But so is the ability to sit back and appreciate the wonder of every created thing. The mere thought of death somehow makes every blessing vivid, every happiness more luminious and intense. We may not know how our contest with sickness will end, but we have felt the ineluctable touch of God.

What is man that Thou are mindful of him?
We don't know much, but we know this:
No matter where we are, no matter what we do, no matter how bleak or frightening our prospects, each and every one of us who believe each and every day, lies in the same safe and impregnable place, in the hollow of God's hand.'

T. Snow

Lazy Hazy Days Of Summer.

Sat, 19 Jul 2008 23:36:27 GMT

I can honestly say its been hot as heck here. When its like this the hazy hangs and the humidity to. But that's summer in Michigan close to the Lakes.
We have rain on the way again.
Today we got up late goofed off and had a brunch with the Kids of cinnamon French Toast and it was great. I know our Grandbaby really enjoyed that to.
Then of course chocolate teddy bear cookies and milk. Then of course the dancing and blowing kisses. So whats better then that??? I don't think much is :)
Had thought about going to the lake for a bit to but it really looked like rain. So decided that tomorrow might be better. Maybe by then the humidity will be down a bit. I hope anyways.
Anyways I am off got a bunch of photos to edit and size down. And the dryer is buzzing for me to bring the clothes up.
So make it a great weekend.
Hugs and Prayers Always Hope

Words of wisdom from two survivors

Fri, 18 Jul 2008 18:18:29 GMT

Today I am sharing something that I receive in my email weekly. Long time ago some one sent me a email with the address of the Survivor Movie. Which I would tell anyone to watch that is a survivor. It pertains to cancer but it also pertains to living a strong life as well. Its on the upper right of my space. I watch it daily as a reminder for how I want to live.

That link brought me to The Cancer Crusade which for some is of great help.

Rodger and Kathy Cawthon are both survivors and have so much to offer in Weekly Affirmations. Today was special for me. As it had to do with Long Term Survivorship. It home in a lot of ways but also re affirmed several things. Long term survivors are a enity of there own. So with that said. Just wanted to share.

My thanks go out to both Rodger and Kathy for the work they do in behalf or those with cancer.Food for Thought yes! Always Hope

Courage is the price that life exacts
for granting peace.
Amelia Earhart
US aviator (1897-1937)

When I received my cancer diagnosis, what I wanted more than anything in the world was to meet, talk to and hopefully get a hug from long-term cancer survivors.

One of my happiest moments during that awful time was the evening I met a woman who was a 7-year cancer survivor. She hugged me and told me I would be fine, and I believed her. Now, of course I knew in my head that all cancers are different and that, in all likelihood, she had had totally different treatments for her cancer than I had for mine, but the facts didn't matter to me right then.

What mattered was that another human being who had been through pretty much the same thing I was going through - and, more importantly, someone who knew the raw terror I was experiencing - was still standing, proof that I could come out on the other side of this. She was hugging me and infusing me with her strength and her courage and her humanity. She made me believe what all of my doctors' reassurances and the nurses' encouraging words had not been able to because she spoke to my heart.

But there was something she didn't tell me, something that every cancer survivor learns at some point, something I'm going to share with you now, and that is this: cancer changes our lives in many ways, and it changes our lives forever.

Most of the ways are good. Nearly every cancer survivor we've ever met agrees that the "cancer experience" has given them a richer, deeper appreciation for life and pushed them to live their lives with greater joy than they ever knew
before cancer.

On the flip side, we cancer survivors will forever be getting those "extra special" checkups on a regular basis. We will be nervous, often scared, occasionally terrified. Some of us have to go through these examinations every few months for years, some more often and some less frequently.

Many long-term survivors find that, the longer they are "out" from diagnosis, the more they run into a particular problem. The problem is this: the people who weren't around them "back then" and who have only known them with hair and rosy cheeks and bright eyes just don't get it. We have even heard from some long-term survivors that people have said to them, "You look so healthy. You must not have had a very bad kind of cancer" (Excuse me? There are good kinds?). In other cases, new and/or casual acquaintances have actually implied that a long-term survivor never really
had cancer at all!

We've heard from several long- term survivors who've encountered problems with employers and co- workers who think the survivor is using his medical history as an excuse to take a few days off when he is due for check-ups and follow-up tests.

When a work-related situation arises, it is absolutely necessary to take action in order to avoid discriminatory treatment. Ask your oncologist to speak with your employer if it seems to be a simple misunderstanding. In more serious cases, it may be necessary to contact someone who can act as an advocate on your behalf. Many oncology practices and hospitals have such patient advocates on staff; if they don't, they can put you in touch with advocates in your community. In the most serious cases where real workplace discrimination is taking place, it becomes necessary to contact an attorney.

For the most part, however, the simple answer to these concerns is that it is up to us to educate the public. It is up to us as survivors to teach people who might otherwise never know it that there are more than 10 million cancer survivors in this country and we walk among them every day. Our hair has grown back and our cheeks glow and our eyes sparkle. We go to work and we go to school and we get married and we have babies and we live our lives just like everyone else. The differences between us and everyone else are generally unseen (medications, medical appliances, etc.), and every now and then we have to call upon every ounce of courage we can muster and go have some scary tests to make sure everything is okay.

If you find yourself in a situation where someone is implying that you couldn't have been very sick, if in fact you were ever sick at all, and that you might be a bit of a hypochondriac, remind yourself that you don't owe that person or anyone else any explanations. You don't owe anyone anything. You've paid your dues and then some. You're a survivor, a champion, a warrior, the very definition of courage and determination. And that is something no one can ever take away from you.

Bless the person who suggests anything different, and move on.

Dear God, Please help me move forward with my life, ever mindful that I am changed now, for the better and forever. Be with me as I lie on the examining table, undergo frightening and sometimes painful tests, and as I endure the seemingly endless wait for results. When others are less than kind about the differences between them and me, help me to remember that this is only between You and me. Give me the strength to bless them, turn away and face only You.
Amen

Rodger and Kathy Cawthon

Long term effects...

Wed, 16 Jul 2008 20:20:00 GMT

Last year in August I wrote about taking that fall as well as messing up my ankle and all of that. When I finished pt in January I was given a order from my internist to go get a new Bone Density Test done. I set the order aside and over the weekend realized I never had the test done. Not like me at all. But considering what this year has been like, any thing could of happened to it lol
Anyways I did ask for a new order from the doctor yesterday. I will call first thing on that tomorrow. But the thought its osteo porsis due to the one unexplained fracture and a few other things going on recently. So that needs doing soon. (Gotta love that you get treatment for things you need to address right away and here is another one of the long term effects starring us in the face.)
So thats that.

I am on my way to go pick up may Daughter and her little One. Thats what I am focusing on these days. Family and enjoying being well as I can be for now.

Have a great day Everyone. Its sure a Beauty.
Hugs, Always Hope

Bumping it up

Wed, 16 Jul 2008 20:06:45 GMT

*Write to be understood, speak to be heard, read to grow.*
Lawrence Clark Powell

I think there is much truth in this quote.
When I started this space a few years back I never really thought much about it. It was just a way of journaling my thoughts for the day and sharing my photography with others.
Now its way more then that.
Its an autobiography of my life with lymphoma of sorts.
I hope it ends up more to some then just a cancer blog.
Something people don't just look at and walk away.
Due the stigma that goes with it.
I received two emails today. One that told me thanks for my story and for wanting to make a difference.
Then one from someone who doesn't think cancer should be talked about so openly.
I had to chuckle.
My one reason for the chuckle is.
Cancer, lymphoma are chronic diseases
We live with them on a day to day basis. There is only one way to do that. Accepting it and dealing with it.
IT applies across the board to diseases like MS, ALS, Diabetes, Heart Disease and Thyroid Disease.
All diseases that are chronic...all fit the category
But cancer gets the attention.
CANCER!
That word is eye popping , mind boggling and scary as hell.
Rightly so, But I have what I have and the rest of the secondary stuff comes with it.
Remission means..I am stable thats it. But I deal with it on a daily basis and will for the rest of my life.
So to say not talk about it cause it makes some one uncomfortable. Not happening.

I also don't think I can candy coat my usage or choice of videos.
Here is the reason:
More than 820,000 Americans -men, women and children of all ages-
are battling blood cancers. That's why each year in hundreds of communities across the U.S. and Canada come together for a common purpose:
They Light The Night, raising awareness, raising funds and raising hope for the people touched by Blood Cancer and their families.
I could go on and on and I will.
*Every 5 minutes some new is diagnosed with blood cancer.
Every ten minutes some one loses the fight.*
I know this I lost my best friend to Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia in Sept 4,2004
*Leukemia causes more deaths than any other cancer among children under the age of 20.*
I can't live with knowing that. Thats why I am talking about it.
The LLS is working towards that.

We need to change these facts.

Think about this for a minute:
20years ago a child had a mere chance of 5% to live.
Today the survival rates have climbed to 80%.
However, the fact remains that leukemia takes more children's lives than any other disease and strikes ten times as many adults than children. Childhood cancers are the leading death of American Children.
For me to read that statement is mind boggling.
Its hard to fathom reading it at times.
Non Hodgkins Lymphoma my form of cancer. Known as NHL. Is one of the most common cancers in the United States ( bet you never knew that) Those numbers are on the rise.
Luckily , everyday there is more information and more treatment options.
NHL affects a certain type of blood cancer cell called the lymphocyte. Lymphocytes help defend the body against infection. Lymphoma cancer can be caused when an abnormality occurs durning lymphocytic development. This ulimantely results in abnormal cell. These abnormal cells can duplicate faster and live longer than normal cells. Like normal lymphocytes, cancerous lymphocytes can grow in many parts of the body, including the lymph nodes, spleen , bone marrow and other organs.
Most have never heard of this cancer . Less it affects your family.
Luckily today there is more information from reliable sources out there.
And more treatment options as well.
I am not doctor. So thats important. But so is this.
The symptoms there are several...that might indicate NHL
Chills, sweats(mostly at night) fevers, lack of energy, unexplained weight loss, or itching that doesn't go away. You may think you have a cold or the flu. The most common way lymphoma occurs is in a painless lymph node under the arm, neck or groin.
Please see a doctor if you have any of these symptoms. That is critical.
I also have listed sites on the left to help you inform yourself.
Current info that is always updated.

What I think is really important cancer makes all of us uncomfortable. Even with having it..I am cause there are so many cancers out there that how could you know everything about them. Knowledge is power and that frees us up for change.
IF we stick to the stigma of not talking about it. Then what have we learned?
Thats what this space is about educating others. Yes its a hard lesson.
But whats worse is sitting back watching it happening to others , not sharing, what I have learned. Its like shoving in under the proverbial carpet and or sticking my head in the sand. That makes it more uglier then it has to be. Oh its ugly believe me but a catalyst for change.
This is 2008 and things just have to change.
There are people out there to help us. Treatments are changing and lives being saved.
I am living proof of that. But we need more Awareness in this country.
Its a challenge but life often is. No one has to be alone with cancer. Support is what keeps me strong on a daily basis.
Sharing my experience here is paying it forward.
In hopes to help others and give them a hand up.
So thats my thoughts for today. I am off to pound the pavement...to make a difference.
I can't sit idly by when I know just how it is .
Go out and make it a great day.
Always Hope.

The Light the Night Walk Thanks LLS. for all you do in my behalf and my family.

Rain!!!

Sun, 13 Jul 2008 01:42:08 GMT

Heavy rains passed through here this morning. Just how heavy? Well I went back this afternoon to weed the back garden a bit and It was up over my shoes. So that was a wash. No pun intended.
I came back up and weeded around the patio. Where the morning glory vines have gone wild. Got that finished. Came back in because it was so darn humid. Not hot just when its humid I sure don't last long.
I hear we have more rain on the way tonight. So our bon fire was a wash!! Hopefully tomorrow we can enjoy that.

I am off....Hugs and Prayers Hope

Whew Fast Week.

Fri, 11 Jul 2008 04:48:22 GMT

Oh my gosh its Friday. Where did the week go?? Anyways been a busy one and no time to talk about it right now. Storms rolled through here tonight and a lot of rain fell very fast. Lots of rolling fast thunder. Other then that spent the day with Hubby at the lake and park. Some really
neat things I got tons of pictures . If I ever get a chance to post them I will on the weekend.
Youngest is off to Colorado in the morning,for work. Not sure how I feel about it!! Lets just say nerves getting the best of me. UGH!!
So I will get over it ....long about Monday or so~~
So thats about it...Off some sleep have to be up early to drop him off at work. Saving a trip in picking his car up later in the day.
Thats it for tonight.
Sleep tight...always Hope.

Photo Album: July 30

Wed, 30 Jul 2008 21:18:56 GMT

July 30

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Photo Album: July 19

Sun, 20 Jul 2008 02:59:46 GMT

July 19

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Photo Album: May 25

Sun, 25 May 2008 21:53:02 GMT

May 25

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Photo Album: April 27

Wed, 30 Apr 2008 18:43:28 GMT

April 27

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birds of a feather

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Photo Album: Blog Images

Sun, 13 Apr 2008 22:11:40 GMT

Blog Images

Photo Album: March 27

Sun, 13 Apr 2008 21:10:03 GMT

March 27

Photo Album: March 21

Fri, 21 Mar 2008 14:51:03 GMT

March 21

Photo Album: March 16

Sun, 16 Mar 2008 05:11:20 GMT

March 16

Photo Album: January 27

Mon, 28 Jan 2008 01:52:13 GMT

January 27

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Photo Album: December 30

Mon, 31 Dec 2007 01:51:27 GMT

December 30

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Photo Album: December 20

Thu, 20 Dec 2007 20:29:33 GMT

December 20

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Photo Album: October 27

Sun, 28 Oct 2007 04:12:00 GMT

October 27

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More Photos...